Christmas Music Countdown

It's that time of year again. There are plenty of reasons to resist the most wonderful time of the year. Maybe you don't like your family, and the thought of having to be around them again immediately after you had to do it at Thanksgiving is a nauseating one. Maybe you're not a fan of the gifts. Gifts, gifts, and more gifts. If you have a big family, then you have my condolences. Because that just sucks. You have to go down a checklist as your wallet gets lighter and lighter. If you're like me, maybe you procrastinate until the twenty-third and then go out and try to knock it all out in one fell swoop. So you find yourself at the mall, that God-forsaken place. The seventh circle of hell. Sure, you might find some inspiration for people. But there will inevitably be several that you just have no idea what to get them. Frazzled, you capitulate and walk into Brookstone, walking out afterward praying that the very thing your dad's been wanting is a neck and shoulder pro massager...with heat. After waiting in lines, body-checking about a third of the passersby, and battling the post-apocalyptic scene in the parking lot, you eventually find yourself home and hating Christmas. That's never happened to me...a friend...once..told me about it. In any case, I'm not a big fan of the gifts myself, but for an entirely different reason. As a Christian, I can't really wrap my mind around when it was that we decided to celebrate Jesus' birth by giving each other stuff. Hey, happy Jesus' birthday...here's a shirt! It's like we want to congratulate each other for making the Incarnation possible, as if God couldn't have done it without us. Hey junior, just wanted to tell you nice job on ushering in Christ those two thousand years ago...here's a toy! I know you've got plenty while there are kids in the bad part of town who have had one meal today, but dammit, you deserve it! I mean, seriously. It's not enough that we already have our day to receive presents, but we have to commandeer Jesus' birthday too?? God help us! Maybe it's not family or the gifts...maybe you're irreligious, and you get so sick of being spoon fed the reason for the season year after year. Well, I don't know what to tell you buddy. Jesus came, and we're pretty stoked about it, and dammit, we're gonna' celebrate. Take pleasure in small victories. The present thing for one, Frosty, Santa and Rudolph. Let's not be ungrateful here. You've got a lot to hang your hat on too.

But you know what, whether you're Ebenezer Scrooge or Tiny Tim, there should be one ubiquitous aspect of the holiday season that we rally around...Christmas music. I know you're like me. You wait eleven months to play this shit. You might even sneak in a few before Thanksgiving, and shame on you! But I love you. I had a teacher in high school who proudly admitted that he listened to Christmas music all year round. Any way you slice it, Christmas has inspired some of the best music out there. I may or may not actually believe that, but at the very least it's fun and extremely nostalgic. I've started listening, and this year I'm going the route of complete immersion in Christmas music. There will be no other kind of music that I listen to from now until January. I only get a month, and I'm going to make the most of it!

In this quest to experience Christmas music ecstasy, I have wanted to share with the world my findings. Therefore I have compiled below a comprehensive list of the ten tracks that must grace your ears, travel through your synapses, and find their way into your frontal lobes, setting off chemicals and neurotransmitters that tell your mind that you are in auditory elysium. One of the many great things about music is that it is entirely subjective. No one can tell me that these are not the ten greatest Christmas tracks, and I in turn can insist upon the fact that they are. You can tell me that some of the classics belong on here, such as Bing Crosby's "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas", Andy Williams' "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year", and Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song". I will in turn tell you that you are wrong and that those songs suck. Some may try to make an argument for some of the newer artists should find their way to this prestigious list, such as Michael Buble. I like Michael Buble, don't get me wrong, but his Christmas album is too overproduced and cheesy. And why in heaven's name did he try putting a lounge-singing spin to Schubert's "Ave Maria"?? Nails on chalkboard, my friends. No, like any art, somewhere in the middle we will find just right.

Just a note before you read on - I have chosen to represent ten different artists that I think should be recognized for their contributions to Christmas music. If I were truly just going off mere individual tracks, only three albums would probably be on here. But I wanted this list to represent a more diverse spectrum of what Christmas sounds like to me; therefore I've tried to pick the best track of each significant artist. Because of that, the rankings are perhaps a bit skewed, with preference being given to tracks that represent an artist that has truly contributed a vast amount to Christmas music repertoire. So without further adieu, we'll begin with number ten...

#10 Wizards in Winter
Trans-Siberian Orchestra (The Lost Christmas Eve)
Wizards in Winter

It was between this or N Sync's "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays". I picked Trans-Siberian Orchestra because they successfully rock out while still maintaining a distinct Christmas feel. And at some point this holiday season, amidst the nice fluffy-sounding Christmas music that we are so accustomed to (and love), you should find yourself rocking out. I chose Wizards of Winter because if you close your eyes and allow your imagination to run wild, a badass wizard duel amidst a furious flurry will ensue. After your own zen-like experience with this track, you need to fast-forward Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 to the battle at Hogwarts, mute it, and press play with this song on in the background. Magical.
Honorable mention: Christmas Eve/Sarajevo




#9 Greensleaves (What Child is This)
Kenny G (Miracles: The Holiday Album)
Greensleaves

I'll probably catch some flack for this, and maybe I lose my man-card (or maybe I lost it when I said I almost put N Sync on this list), but I don't care. Kenny puts a uniquely jazzy feel to this Christmas classic, and it works rather well. Kenny G might not have your respect, but you should put away your qualms with him just this once and listen to this rendition. I mean that soprano sax is good.

#8 Christmas Time is Here
Vince Guaraldi Trio (A Charlie Brown Christmas)
Christmas Time is Here

Come now, I had to put some Vince Guaraldi on this list. It's just so classic, it's legit jazzy (because Kenny G is probably not), and it brings back such nostalgia with memories of watching Charlie Brown.
Honorable mention: The entire album. Christmas Time is Here is probably its most recognized track, but every piece is iconic, laced with memories of certain scenes in the movie. It's a perfect Christmas album to have on the background and play from beginning to end.

#7 The Lord's Prayer
Andrea Bocelli (My Christmas)
The Lord's Prayer

Josh Groban might have made this list for his O Holy Night, but that title was already taken by another artist down the list. And quite frankly, Andrea Bocelli is better. On an otherwise overproduced and disappointing album, The Lord's Prayer really shines through as the star. Collaborating with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, this truly is Andrea Bocelli at his best. Besides this, I just love that The Lord's Prayer is on his Christmas album. That's quite unconventional, but I think it's extremely tasteful and the message of the Prayer coincides so well with God's Son coming to the world.

#6 Last Christmas 
Wham! 
Last Christmas

This is where I divulge my dirty little secret: I freakin' love 80's music. This will come out in full force later on in these rankings, and I just wanted to prepare you right now. But seriously, in the secular realm, this is the gold standard. It's just so stinking catchy, and George Michael's vocals soar with his smoother than silk tenor timbre. And those bells...I could listen to it on replay for hours.

#5 O Holy Night
Mariah Carey (Merry Christmas)
O Holy Night

Why not All I Want for Christmas is You, right?? Wrong. You know, we often lose sight of the fact that this girl can flat out sing. I mean...holy crap. And this song demonstrates the breadth of her illustrious pipes. She begins with that sultry alto that is the bread and butter of her range and then slowly builds up to belting in her high tessitura, and finally reaching her whistle register on the high note of "-vine". This version of O Holy Night gives me chills every time I hear it. It is just delivered with such mastery. This whole album is indeed overplayed come Christmas time, but for good reason. It's stellar. Side note: I have a love/hate relationship with Mariah, as she pioneered the pop-melismatic vocal style that has impacted virtually every young aspiring female pop singer since. Mariah did it effortlessly - it just seemed to flow from her. Almost everyone since has just sounded contrived, and no one more so or worse than Christina Aguilera, who just went WAY over the top with things. Yes Christina, there is such a thing as too many notes.

#4 Emmanuel
Amy Grant (A Christmas Album)
Emmanuel

It's freaking hard to pick one Amy Grant song. There are so many greats, like Breath of Heaven. I wanted to shed some light on another lesser-known. Emmanuel is from Amy's first Christmas Album, A Christmas Album, which is one of the best of all-time. The album is so 80's-tastic, you just have to love it. Emmanuel is pretty rockin', and it's got some amazingly cheesy/awesome synth themes thrown in. But the entire album deserves a run-through...and then you should probably just listen to all of her other Christmas songs too. Christmas is not Christmas without Amy.
Honorable mention: Tennessee Christmas, Little Town, Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song), A Christmas to Remember

#3 Gloria 
Michael W. Smith (Christmas)
Gloria

Simply epic. From the driving piano theme at the beginning, to the electric guitar accompaniment in the middle, to the colossal choral finish - this is just an awesome Christmas song on a very under appreciated Christmas album that tastefully integrates children's and adult choir throughout. Make a concession for some slight 80's cheesiness, and this song and album as a whole will blow you away.

#2 God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen/Stille Nacht
Mannheim Steamroller (Christmas)
God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen and Stille Nacht

There is no way I'm not putting Mannheim Steamroller up here as one of the highest. This group from Nebraska (good old heartland) has composed the most creative and ingenious instrumental renditions on traditional Christmas pieces that I have heard. And God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen is probably my favorite of them all. The horn on melody at the beginning is ominous but powerful, and it just builds from there into an onslaught of awesome. Their version of Stille Nacht on the same album demonstrates the versatility of Mannheim, as it could not be more different in terms of feel from the preceding track but is equally magnificent. This incredibly warm rendition will melt your heart - particularly with piano and violin in the middle. The most beautiful ending to what is probably the best Christmas album of them all. A favorite to play while decorating the tree.
Honorable mention: Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella, Carol of the Bells, Veni Veni

#1 Ave Maria (Biebl) 
Chanticleer (Our Heart's Joy) 
Ave Maria

Alright, I'm biased. But seriously. At the heart of Christmas music are yuletide carols being sung by a choir, and this particular track from Chanticleer is the pinnacle of choral excellence. If you have a spare seven and a half minutes, you absolutely must listen to this. And don't listen to it leisurely, as you would background music. You must dedicate your heart and mind to this track. Go to a quiet, dark place, put on good quality headphones, and play this so that you can hear it well. It takes some time to develop, but you will be glad you were patient with it. Beginning with "Sancta Maria" at 5:30 on to the end is some of the most beautiful choral music ever written or performed. The five-fold "amen" ending will give you chills. If it doesn't then you are ridiculous. This is one of the most exquisite recordings ever made and will make you appreciate Christmas (and life in general) in a new and profound way.
Honorable mention: Village Wedding

Well, there you have it. That is my top ten. Please feel free to comment if you take issue with any that I have on or have left out. I love a good musical debate, and chances are, I will probably agree with your choices being great. I hope that you are taking advantage of this season in being able to enjoy this fine music. From Shades of Blue (and green and red), I am wishing you all the happiest of seasons and the merriest of Christmases. Remember to keep in mind the things that are important and beautiful. God bless!