This girl is like f----- perfect right now, I don't wanna ruin that.
-Good Will Hunting
Please don't tell me how sausage is prepared. Don't tell me what's in it. I don't want to know. All I want to know is how its taste affects my umami senses. All I want is to retain the joy that is inherent in knowing that sausage is yummy. I don't need other knowledge adulterating the way I understand sausage to be. I'll buy it at the store, I'll cook it in my kitchen, but I don't want to be taking a field trip to the butcher shop, lest sausage be ruined for me. What can I say, ignorance is bliss.
We know there are things inside the fraternity of professional football that would make us sick if we had omniscience, but we don't want to know what they are because that would threaten the way we perceive the goodness of the game. Several years ago the story was broken that members of the New Orleans Saints' coaching staff, namely their defensive coordinator, had ordered bounties on key members of the opposing team. If those players were injured or effectively taken out of the game, the player(s) who caused it was paid. That story became a headliner largely because of how horrifying it was to the outside world.
How could this be true?! How could people do this kind of thing??! We demanded retribution for those responsible.
Well another story has surfaced concerning the guts of football, and it's just as hard to digest in my opinion. Strange reports came out last week regarding an instance of bullying in the Miami Dolphins club that led to second-year offensive lineman Jonathan Martin promptly quitting the team. What apparently had been a steady stream of incidents finally culminated in the cafeteria, when team members decided to stand up and walk away from the table Martin had chosen to sit down at, a prank that they apparently play with some frequency on various team members. We'll focus on the cafeteria now and get to those other incidents soon.
The NFL has a reputation of being tough, and veteran players proudly engage in the tradition of hazing new players as a rite of passage, that they may be inducted into this elite fraternity of toughness. This hazing can take on many forms. Sometimes a rookie will have to pick up a substantial check at dinner (some have reported having to spend an upwards of $30K!). Sometimes a player might be tied naked to a goal post. Sometimes apparently players will alienate another as a pariah, leaving them to eat alone at the lunch table. So you have material, physical, and mental (or emotional) hazing. The first two I can stomach as somewhat innocuous. A player made newly rich has to drop thousands on dinner for his veteran teammates...that's kind of funny in a humbling way. A player has to endure physical abuse by being tied to the goal post naked...the symbolism in the prank serves to send the message:
get used to taking a beating out on this field. It's more or less humorous. The latter, although perhaps seemingly the smallest of the bunch, is the one that I just can't seem to wrap my head around.
Football has been called the ultimate team sport. The players need to work as a collective unit, or they cannot accomplish their goals. Unity is not just a value in football. It can't have the luxury of merely being a value. It's a necessity. And yet these players on the Dolphins on occasion engage in walking away form their teammates at the lunch table? First of all, ass clowns, this is no longer elementary school; can we please graduate from fourth grade repertoire? Seriously, that's not even a funny prank. Put his hand in warm water while he's asleep or something! He'll then pee the bed. Way funnier.
More to the point, why do this? We've already established that it's not at all funny. At best, it's a lame ass prank that should've died out by the time these guys were playing pop warner. At worst, it's an act that begins to corrode the spirit of unity at play in the locker room. Think about it. That kind of behavior does nothing more than make someone feel alienated. If you want to keep shitting on team morale Miami, by all means, keep up with this tradition. Needless to say, it's working.
 |
| Martin (left) and Incognito |
But Martin didn't quit the team because of that one example of idiocy. If that were the case, I would advise him to grow some thicker skin. Since the report was made, however, it has become clear that Martin quit because he was being harassed by his teammates, namely Richie Incognito, in ways that I can only describe as sinister. The following voicemail left by Incognito to Martin bears witness to how far the line was crossed. Warning: the language, although somewhat obscured, is still incredibly offensive...
Hey, wassup, you half n----- piece of s---. I saw you on Twitter, you been training ten weeks. I want to s--- in your f---ing mouth. I'm going to slap your f---ing mouth. I'm going to slap your real mother across the face [laughter]. F--- you, you're still a rookie. I'll kill you.
Who is to Blame?
There are so many questions to ask after reading this voicemail, perhaps none more pressing than
why? Why did Richie Incognito leave this message? The way I see it, there are only two options: Incognito did this of his own volition and is certifiably a sociopath, or there are other factors at play. This would have been so much easier had the former been true. We could've pinned this whole thing on Incognito, cast him as the villain, and moved on. Fortunately or unfortunately, the situation is far more convoluted than that.
As this story continues to unravel, it is becoming more and more clear that Incognito was sanctioned by his coaches to use in his estimation the means necessary to toughen Jonathan Martin up. This is a dog eat dog league, and apparently coaches doubted whether or not Martin had the necessary grit needed in order to compete. So they turned to Incognito. Why?
Incognito has had a troubled past that has been well-documented. He played football at Nebraska and was suspended by two different head coaches, the second instance resulting in his being kicked off the team. He then transferred to Oregon...and got kicked off the team. He was released by the St. Louis Rams in 2009 after receiving two personal fouls and arguing with his coach...all in the same game. He has had multiple altercations with players on opposing teams, resulting in their trying to hit him. In 2009, he was voted the NFL's dirtiest player. Admittedly, he is no "choir boy".
Despite his history, Incognito seemed to have rehabilitated himself since signing with Miami. He has spoken openly about his history with drugs while in the league and overcoming a double life - NFL football player by day and "doing everything he shouldn't have been doing" by night. He was recently voted Miami's most likable player, as it relates to the press and a player's willingness to speak to reporters. He became a pro bowl offensive lineman last year, and this season was chosen by teammates to be one of six members on the team's leadership council.
You see, Incognito is the type of player we see and cringe at, but that same player matches the prototype for what many NFL coaches and executives are seeking. They want unconscionable meanness, because that's what it takes to succeed in the league. Maybe Miami coaches entrusted to Incognito this task because they had perceived in him a change in being able to channel his anger on the field and overcome his demons off it. Maybe he had truly taken the helm of a bonafide leader in the locker room. Maybe their intentions were pure, even if they were careless given Incognito's history. It's also possible, however, that they were all too aware of what they were doing when asking for this man to intervene. It's possible that they unchained a rottweiler while looking the other way. It's possible that they knew of the Pandora's Box they were unleashing on Martin. It's possible that any emotional collateral damage done to Martin would have readily been sacrificed by his coaches en route to his becoming "tough". If that's true, then these coaches deserve a rather large piece of the culpable pie.
Interestingly enough, Jonathan Martin has been under scrutiny for the part he has played in...getting bullied (
Shame on you, Martin, don't get bullied!). Among many of the things I'm hearing right now is:
why didn't Martin just stand up to Incognito? Why didn't he approach the players or coaches about it? In other words, why didn't Martin take matters into his own hands? Why didn't he just punch Incognito or something? You stand up to the bully, and the bully goes away, right?
This is just stupid for a number of reasons. First of all, we don't know that Martin
didn't try to talk to the necessary parties in the Dolphins organization concerning his being bullied. In fact, reports are that Martin's agent did bring this area of concern to some of those in the Dolphins' executive leadership positions. Secondly, this notion of
be a man; be tough; push him back seems so antiquated. I know this is football and testosterone runs high, but does that really mean that men must resort to their most base instincts, such as
talking has failed, so let's fight! Not to mention, this implicitly suggests that violence fixes violence. Great message we're sending there. Call me a Christian pacifist and a believer in turn-the-other-cheek-ideology, but I think there are better alternatives to returning Incognito's threats or exacting violence upon him in order to stop or mitigate his actions. That's ideology. Here's another reason: Richie Incognito is 319 pounds, benches 600, and has a history of volatile behavior. This is a bully with some bite to his bark. If you pick a fight with this guy, you might be signing up to have your face smashed in, or worse. That's pragmatism. Lastly, there exists an almost tangible hierarchy in football that players cannot forsake. Just like any other business, football players move up the ladder with experience, and experience gains them respect and credibility. The veteran Richie Incognito has those things; two-year "softie" Jonathan Martin doesn't. Sure, it's easy to say things like
stand up for yourself! or
tell the players, tell the coaches. Yeah, and they're supposed to do what? Come to your aid over the nine-year pro-bowl veteran on the leadership council? Maybe. But maybe not. That's social hierarchy, and it's a very real factor at play here.
For all these people suggesting that Martin needs to toughen up and stand his ground against Incognito, consider this: for all intents and purposes, Richie Incognito is as a superior to Jonathan Martin in their respective place of work. Imagine for a moment that your boss has asked one of your superiors to supervise you in an aspect of your job description that your boss deems to be a weakness for you. The superior is well liked by the entire office and your boss. While working together, this person begins to make you feel uncomfortable, maybe even bullied, but no one else seems to think it's anything. It's just who that co-worker is, they insist. Their behavior begins to torment you. You talk to them about it, but they do not change their methods. What would you do? Would you punch that co-worker in the face? Would you tattle on them to your boss, knowing that your boss likes this person a lot and that you would subsequently lose everyone's respect in the office? You may choose simply to walk away, and that's what Jonathan Martin did. It seemed to be the only option he saw that he could take - the lesser of evils. Many of us would choose to do the exact same thing if a similar situation presented itself to us. So why is he held to a different standard? Is it because he's a football player and should be gritty and tough? Get over yourself and step into this young man's situation. He was between a rock and a hard place.
Will the real Richie Incognito please stand up?
There have been seemingly a plethora of interesting twists in this story as it has unfolded, perhaps none more capricious than public perception surrounding Richie Incognito. As soon as Incognito's voicemail to Martin was released, he was pegged as a bully, a racist, a bigot, and a sociopath. It was easy to assume that he was universally disapproved of, even on his own team - especially after having bullied his teammate into quitting and negligently using racial slurs throughout those communications. That was all true...until Dolphins players began to speak up.
One of the most befuddling aspects to this story has been the universal support shown from the Miami Dolphins team not towards Jonathan Martin, but to Richie Incognito. It has become clear that in the players' estimation, the greatest offense committed in all of this was Martin's, when he chose to take an in-house matter outside of the locker room. That represents a breaking of the players' Code in the NFL, and it is unforgivable. It spells a death sentence for Martin, who has almost certainly lost the support and respect of his teammates, now that locker room solidarity has been shattered.
But what about Incognito?! Did you see what he said to that poor young man?! Doesn't Incognito's use of the n-word reveal that he is in fact a racist?! Hasn't he alienated himself from his black teammates?! According to players on the Miami Dolphins, the answer is shockingly no.
I want to take this chance to discuss the issues of race and societal norms, as it relates to the NFL. In society, there are two contexts for which the n-word is spoken. Spoken from anyone else, especially a white person, it harkens to the racial term given to African Americans by whites during times of slavery in this nation's history. Such a weapon can be as shackling as any chain when its use is to subjugate an entire race of people by demeaning and undermining them as human beings. Under no means can that word be used by a non-black person. To do so is to uncork several centuries worth of hate and oppression into a single utterance. There is perhaps no greater spoken folly in our society than a white person speaking that word in reference to a black person. In stark contrast, when spoken by a black person, the word's meaning undergoes an astonishing metamorphosis, in becoming a term of endearment, likened to "brother". Semantics.
If you hadn't known or gleaned it already, Richie Incognito is white; Jonathan Martin is half black. By rules of our societal norms, Incognito should be properly castigated for what he said. His black teammates should take special offense to Incognito's words. Yet many of those teammates are coming to Incognito's defense. How can this be? In order to answer this question, we need to first differentiate the NFL from the society that we know and understand. Antonio Pierce, a former linebacker in the NFL and now ESPN analyst, and who also happens to be black, put it this way: in the locker room, divisions of color fade. You are no longer seeing people in terms of black and white; you see them in whatever your team's color scheme is. That is to say, if you are Patriots, everyone is Patriot blue and red. If you are Vikings, everyone is Viking purple and gold. You go to war with these people week in and week out, and in the process you become family. The only divisions are between your team and the one on the other sideline.
What appears had happened in the case of Richie Incognito is that some of his black teammates, such as starting center Mike Pouncey, had grown to respect and love him so much that they had honorarily accepted him into their brotherhood. A video aired by TMZ revealed this relationship, as Incognito uses the n-word around Pouncey and then hugs him. To make matters more complicated, Dolphins reporter Armando Salguero reported several days ago that some of the black players on the Miami Dolphins actually perceive Incognito as more black than Martin, who I remind you is actually black. An unnamed Dolphin offered this insight:
Richie (Incognito) is honorary. I don't expect you to understand because you're not black. But being a black guy, being a brother is more than just about skin color. It's about how you carry yourself. How you play. Where you come from. What you've experienced. A lot of things.
Apparently to that man and most likely to numerous others on the Dolphins team, Incognito embodies more of the attributes that make a black man black than Jonathan Martin, who I remind you once again is actually black. Maybe the next time Richie identifies his race when the census arrives, he'll mark "Black" and offer that explanation.
 |
| Martin with Andrew Luck - Stanford |
This becomes a sad reality on several levels. First, to differentiate Richie Incognito from Jonathan Martin in terms of blackness is to differentiate a white man who has been kicked out of two universities, struggled with anger control, been labeled a dirty player, and appeared largely as a buffoon in the way that he has conducted himself against a black man whose parents were educated at Harvard, who he himself was educated at Stanford, and who has had no issues of conduct whatsoever on or off the field. Mike Wilbon, an excellent black reporter and journalist for ESPN, offered that this kind of outlook stems back from times of slavery, when slaves working in the mansion were looked down upon by those working in the fields, for being too close to their white masters. Perhaps due to his upbringing, Jonathan Martin is being depicted as an Uncle Tom within the Dolphins' locker room. If that is true, the players who are saying as much are unknowingly perpetuating stereotypes that should be done away with entirely, by associating true blackness with lower levels of education and exhibiting a propensity for violence. That Jonathan Martin is not confined to being a football player, but that in his pursuit of higher education he can do anything he wants whenever he or forces of nature should decide that his football career is over, should be something every young child who hopes to be a professional athlete should aspire to.
Incognito's use of the n-word is not the only instance of a white player in the NFL using the word in the last year. During this past offseason, Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper was caught using the word at a club. I don't think the circumstances in Cooper's case are as nuanced as with Incognito. That he was deemed an honorary black man as well seems unlikely. But does our understanding of the context within the Dolphins' locker room change the way we see Incognito's behavior? Does it make his using the word any less abhorrent? If his using that word was not spoken out of hate directed towards black people but as a man that had accepted his black teammates' invitation as an honorary member, in desiring to fit in with them, then yes, I think that would make Richie Incognito seem less like the devil incarnate. But that by no means excuses Incognito. I don't care if you've been told that you're honorarily black. I don't care if you're given explicit permission to use the word. As a white person in American society, you are held to the standard of knowing that using that word is an egregious offense.
Still, two uses of white NFL players saying the n-word within the last year is two too many. Is the reason simply that there are some racists within the thirty percent of white players comprising the NFL's player population, and they are getting caught with their foot in their mouth? Maybe. Could it also, however, be an issue of white players becoming desensitized to the word because of the frequency and comfort with which it is spoken in NFL locker rooms? Maybe. Remember what Antonio Pierce said. Racial divisions are largely broken down in football locker rooms.
Players become family. This certainly seems the case for Richie Incognito, who Armando Salguero has reported that to a man, every Dolphins player loves. Although everything entailing the Dolphins' perception of Richie Incognito sounds bizarre, we have to remember that the culture in an NFL locker room is largely estranged from normal society. For these men who have been around the locker room culture of football all their lives and who have spent copious amounts of time together, it is easy to imagine that locker room culture is all they know. What rules we as society rely upon may indeed be foreign policy in the locker rooms. They have their own policies that are recognized, and it works for them...well, for most of them.
I love that racial barriers are largely broken down in NFL locker rooms, but I'm saddened that a result may possibly lead to the confusion of our understanding some of these societal norms that aid us in respecting and loving one another. Though Richie Incognito may be allowed to use the n-word flippantly around his teammates, that doesn't change the fact that his voicemail is universally offensive outside of the Dolphins' locker room. It will be sad indeed if confusion over this word leads to ignorance of why we treat it with such sensitivity; our power over the word lies in our knowledge of the evil that has been done in its name. My hope is that incidents such as these can galvanize a movement to abolish the n-word entirely from any societal context. When spoken from the lips of any race, whether spoken lovingly or malevolently, I hope we all can condition ourselves to feel nauseated upon hearing it and have the courage to give those that speak it a brief history lesson.
Sausage
Incognito -
having one's true identity concealed
There is still an absurd amount to this story that we do not yet know. It seems as if every day that passes reveals new information with which to appropriate into the puzzle, which means that by the time you read this it will probably be out of date. I'm not sure where the blame lies in this situation, but I think that it is entirely possible that both Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin are receiving more vitriol than they deserve, which makes both of them victims in a way.
I think what we can take away from all of this is an understanding that NFL culture is entirely enigmatic to those on the outside looking in. A team that would almost unanimously back a loose cannon like Richie Incognito over the likes of Jonathan Martin in the face of indicting evidence such as we have causes me to question the character of those within the fraternity of professional football. Perhaps another shred of lining has been pulled back from the NFL's concealed identity in this saga, and I find myself wishing that I hadn't beheld what I've seen...
Come now, I had to put some Vince Guaraldi on this list. It's just so classic, it's legit jazzy (because Kenny G is probably not), and it brings back such nostalgia with memories of watching Charlie Brown.
Josh Groban might have made this list for his O Holy Night, but that title was already taken by another artist down the list. And quite frankly, Andrea Bocelli is better. On an otherwise overproduced and disappointing album, The Lord's Prayer really shines through as the star. Collaborating with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, this truly is Andrea Bocelli at his best. Besides this, I just love that The Lord's Prayer is on his Christmas album. That's quite unconventional, but I think it's extremely tasteful and the message of the Prayer coincides so well with God's Son coming to the world.
This is where I divulge my dirty little secret: I freakin' love 80's music. This will come out in full force later on in these rankings, and I just wanted to prepare you right now. But seriously, in the secular realm, this is the gold standard. It's just so stinking catchy, and George Michael's vocals soar with his smoother than silk tenor timbre. And those bells...I could listen to it on replay for hours.
Why not All I Want for Christmas is You, right?? Wrong. You know, we often lose sight of the fact that this girl can flat out sing. I mean...holy crap. And this song demonstrates the breadth of her illustrious pipes. She begins with that sultry alto that is the bread and butter of her range and then slowly builds up to belting in her high tessitura, and finally reaching her whistle register on the high note of "-vine". This version of O Holy Night gives me chills every time I hear it. It is just delivered with such mastery. This whole album is indeed overplayed come Christmas time, but for good reason. It's stellar. Side note: I have a love/hate relationship with Mariah, as she pioneered the pop-melismatic vocal style that has impacted virtually every young aspiring female pop singer since. Mariah did it effortlessly - it just seemed to flow from her. Almost everyone since has just sounded contrived, and no one more so or worse than Christina Aguilera, who just went WAY over the top with things. Yes Christina, there is such a thing as too many notes.
It's freaking hard to pick one Amy Grant song. There are so many greats, like Breath of Heaven. I wanted to shed some light on another lesser-known. Emmanuel is from Amy's first Christmas Album, A Christmas Album, which is one of the best of all-time. The album is so 80's-tastic, you just have to love it. Emmanuel is pretty rockin', and it's got some amazingly cheesy/awesome synth themes thrown in. But the entire album deserves a run-through...and then you should probably just listen to all of her other Christmas songs too. Christmas is not Christmas without Amy.
Simply epic. From the driving piano theme at the beginning, to the electric guitar accompaniment in the middle, to the colossal choral finish - this is just an awesome Christmas song on a very under appreciated Christmas album that tastefully integrates children's and adult choir throughout. Make a concession for some slight 80's cheesiness, and this song and album as a whole will blow you away.
There is no way I'm not putting Mannheim Steamroller up here as one of the highest. This group from Nebraska (good old heartland) has composed the most creative and ingenious instrumental renditions on traditional Christmas pieces that I have heard. And God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen is probably my favorite of them all. The horn on melody at the beginning is ominous but powerful, and it just builds from there into an onslaught of awesome. Their version of Stille Nacht on the same album demonstrates the versatility of Mannheim, as it could not be more different in terms of feel from the preceding track but is equally magnificent. This incredibly warm rendition will melt your heart - particularly with piano and violin in the middle. The most beautiful ending to what is probably the best Christmas album of them all. A favorite to play while decorating the tree.
Alright, I'm biased. But seriously. At the heart of Christmas music are yuletide carols being sung by a choir, and this particular track from Chanticleer is the pinnacle of choral excellence. If you have a spare seven and a half minutes, you absolutely must listen to this. And don't listen to it leisurely, as you would background music. You must dedicate your heart and mind to this track. Go to a quiet, dark place, put on good quality headphones, and play this so that you can hear it well. It takes some time to develop, but you will be glad you were patient with it. Beginning with "Sancta Maria" at 5:30 on to the end is some of the most beautiful choral music ever written or performed. The five-fold "amen" ending will give you chills. If it doesn't then you are ridiculous. This is one of the most exquisite recordings ever made and will make you appreciate Christmas (and life in general) in a new and profound way.
