False Grit

It's more of a finesse game (now), it's more small ball, which personally I don't really care much for. I like kind of smash-mouth, old-school basketball because that's what I grew up watching. Some of the flagrant fouls that I see nowadays just makes me nauseous. You can't touch a guy without it being a flagrant foul. Back then, guys put their hands on you...you didn't want to go all the way to the basket because you'd get knocked (flat)...Kids might be a little too sensitive for that nowadays.

-Kobe Bryant

The Pilgrims arrived in America in 1620. To be specific, they arrived in November...in Massachusetts. I like to imagine the moment when the 121 passengers on the Mayflower finally laid eyes upon the land they were about to settle...

121 passengers, in unified elation

WHOOOOO!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

snow begins to fall

.......................*one passenger, in a flinty solo* whooo ...................

They could have gone anywhere on the eastern seaboard, and they chose Massachusetts...in winter. I mean, I know Florida is a ways down there, but it tends to remain nice year-round. In any case, 50% of the passengers had died by the end of that first winter, either from disease, starvation, or freezing one's ass off. But they planted a settlement, and they raised bountiful harvests with the help of Squanto, and thus, American grit was born. 

Here are some buzz words when reflecting upon romanticized American history: rugged, tough, cowboy, Alamo, frontier, bootstraps, Oregon Trail... I mean, simply by playing that game, we all understood what it truly meant to be a settler. You can sum it up with this axiom: ford the river. Why? Because eff that ess, that's why! Never mind the ramifications that this may mean we're careless or stupid. If prudence was what we were going for then we'd take the ferry every time. Well screw that. The river is ten feet deep? Aint too deep for this wagon. Let's ford this beeatch! I may lose both my oxen, half my supplies, my wife, one of my two kids, and develop a raging case of dysentery, but I got the stones to do it. That's what's important here. And everyone understood that. You'd look over at your buddy next to you, who was busy shooting his forty-ninth buffalo, and you'd motion to your own screen and say, dude, it's ten feet deep. As your mouse cursor slowly scrolled over to the "ford" button, your buddy pursed his lips and nodded in approval. In all actuality, this experience would go down much like my conjured image of the settlers laying eyes upon Plymouth Harbor...

your oxen begin to pull your wagon into the river

Whoooo! Woooohoooo!! WHOOOOO!!! 

your wagon breaks apart, and you lose everything

...whoo.......

Sure, you might have sucked at the game, but you were awesome at being a bonafide American. 

Over the course of our young history, this country has branded itself as "American tough", and it has been imbued in all that we do, even the sports we play. 

Think of some of the most iconic moments in American sports history: with both legs injured in the previous series and battling a stomach virus, Kirk Gibson hits a walk-off homerun off legendary closer Dennis Eckersley in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. In Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals between Chicago and Utah, Michael Jordan scores 38, grabs 7 rebounds, and assists 5 while also battling a stomach bug ("The Flu Game"). Immediately following the conclusion of the game, Jordan would collapse into Scottie Pippen's arms from pure exhaustion. In the 2009 NFC Championship Game, Brett Favre, at age 40, after already having surpassed the NFL record for most consecutive starts at one position (291), could be seen repeatedly limping back out onto the field after having been battered by the New Orleans Saints defense. Favre would go on to eventually lose the game on an ill-advised throw that was picked off, but the image of the Old Warrior will forever be burned into our memories. 

There is something magical about these mind-over-matter moments, when sheer will power, in an act of defiance over the body's limitations, projects one to do things they should not be capable of doing. Two mornings before Game 5, as Jordan lay in a fetal position, sweating profusely, with hardly the strength to sit up, he was told by team doctors that there was no way he would be able to play. Not only did he play, but he played like Jordan - like someone who is not of this world. 

We love this stuff because, among other things, we see a little bit of Pilgrim in these moments - good old American grit. There's something noble about someone putting their body on the line for the greater good of the group. There's also something badass about it. The American value of toughness has permeated sports in an indelible way, and athletes don't necessarily need to play hurt in order to exhibit it. We love the brand of sports that is contact heavy and defiant in the face of danger. We love the baseball player who runs full speed at the catcher in order to jar the ball out of the mitt, a la Pete Rose (Charlie Hustle). We love the basketball player who ferociously throws their weight around the paint in order to get the rebound, a la Charles Barkley. We love the quarterback who's willing to dive head first into the endzone rather than slide two yards short of it, a la John Elway. We love the football players who play in Green Bay, in minus-twenty conditions without any extra layers on, as they flip the bird to Old Man Winter. We admire this style of play. It reeks of American ruggedness. 

The culture, however, seems to be changing, to my chagrin. We seem to be getting softer with every generation. Even the official rules of our sports are being amended in order to cater to the finesse style ("finesse" being a euphemism used in order to make soft play sound cool). I'm with Kobe. It's a bit nauseating to see the direction we're headed. I blame soccer (I'll explain this later). 

So this blog is dedicated to the uncovering of the truth - that we are a nation in a precarious spot concerning our sports culture. The identity of American grit as found in sports is in jeopardy, and we are well on our way to endorsing and embodying competition that some would call finesse and what others call nauseating. The following is the empirical proof:

Rules

The rules, as they say, are the rules. They represent the marrow of the sport. When a rule is made, it changes the way the sport is played, thereby changing a bit of the sport's personality. Many of the newest rules being adopted in our sports are done so with intention to preserve the health of the players. Whether this is done with altruistic (protect a player from harm) or capitalistic (prevent a star from being sidelined) motives, the fact remains that many of these new rules are paving the way for a lighter style of play. 

Exhibit A: Baseball - Running into the Catcher

On May 25, 2011 Scott Cousins of the Florida Marlins rounded third base in the twelfth inning of the game in an attempt to provide his team with the go-ahead run. There was just one problem - Buster Posey. San Francisco's budding star catcher was in Cousins' way with the ball in his possession. Cousins proceeded to do what every runner in that situation has been taught to do since the inception of the game of baseball - accelerate to ramming speed and collide with the catcher, in hopes to jar the ball loose. If the catcher does not hold on to the ball, the run will score. Cousins was successful. He threw his entire body with reckless abandon into the future NL MVP, causing Posey to drop the ball. The play was terrible and beautiful all at once. Cousins' momentum caused Posey to tumble backwards awkwardly, cringing in the horrible pain that comes from a fractured fibula and torn ligaments in one's ankle. The play was legal and clean, according to the rules. Cousins scored the winning run in the Marlins' 7-6 victory. Posey was out for the remainder of the season. 

Baseball has always been on the fringe of being considered a "contact sport". With the exception of plays at the plate, such as the case with Cousins and Posey, and the occasional being hit by a pitch and sliding into the second baseman to break up a double-play, baseball is devoid of bodily contact. One could play the entire course of a game and not feel any more contact than a pat on the butt by the first base coach or a high five from a teammate. Colliding into the catcher is nearly all baseball has to hang its hat on. 

Yet following Posey's season-ending injury, Major League Baseball has seriously discussed initiative for mitigating, if not doing away entirely with collisions at the plate. This could come as early as this upcoming season. Regardless of when it will come, the ruling seems imminent, and baseball will lose one of the only aspects of the game keeping it a legitimate contact sport. Taps 

Exhibit B: Basketball - Hands on the Defender

Beginning this season, referees in college basketball are to enforce more stringent prohibitions on defensive use of hands. The new rules call for refs to give out fouls when the defender carries out these actions to an offensive player with the ball:

• Keeps a hand or forearm on the opponent
• Putting two hands on an opponent
• Continually jabbing an opponent by extending an arm or placing a hand or forearm on the opponent
• Using an arm to impede the progress of a defender

Translation: no touching! These regulations have been put into effect in order to increase scoring and freedom of movement, but some coaches, such as Kansas head coach Bill Self, are not very optimistic about the effect the rule changes will have on the game. Self responded by saying, The best way to increase scoring and make the game better is to create situations to get more shots. More free throws doesn't make the game better. One thing is certain: the new rules will not only discourage stingy, physical defensive play, but they will also contribute to a higher number of players fouling out. Perhaps this will engender the exact result that college basketball wants. If players accrue fouls early and often, they will be forced to avoid making stout defensive plays later on in the game. Wide open lanes and no defense...sounds like compelling basketball to me. 

Exhibit C: Football - Illegal Hits to Defenseless Players

In the course of the past three to five years, the NFL has tightened its grip upon defensive players concerning where and when they can make hits. Increasing fear of trauma to the head and the ramifications of concussions has led the NFL to ban helmet-to-helmet hits, or really anything above the shoulders. This has undoubtedly aided offenses, as such hits are penalized to the tune of 15 yards and a first down (and an eventual fine on the player who made the hit). 

Rewind to November 17 of this past year. The San Francisco 49ers were visiting the impossibly-difficult-to-beat-at-home New Orleans Saints. With less than four minutes to go in the fourth quarter and the Saints down a field goal, Drew Brees had driven the Saints into the red zone putting San Francisco in dire straits. In a heroic display of athleticism, linebacker Ahmad Brooks rushed the quarterback, wrapped around the right side blocker, blind-siding Brees, who was looking left. Having cut too far downfield to square up on Brees, Brooks had to thrust his arm out in order to catch the short quarterback, and did so, right where the shoulder meets the neck. The ball came loose, and San Francisco recovered it. It was a laudable play from Brooks, who had given his offense the ball with the chance to run the clock out for the

win. But a yellow flag had been thrown. It turns out that referees had deemed the hit too close to Brees' head. The fact that Brees is relatively small, and the way he appeared to have been knocked like a rag doll, probably had something to do with how terrible the play appeared as well. "Roughing the quarterback" was called on Brooks, the 15-yard penalty was assessed, and New Orleans was given a first down. They would go on to convert two field goals and win the game 23-20. Jim Harbaugh, coach of the 49ers, was livid. He asserted that Brooks had made an incredibly adept football play - the only play that he could've made on Brees. Brees had a different perspective. After the game, he reflected, All I remember is just getting clothes-lined in the chin, and as I'm on the ground, I'm saying, "That's gotta be a flag". Following the game, ex-linebacker and now commentator Ray Lewis shared in Harbaugh's disappointment. Lewis insisted that with the flag being thrown on that play, the NFL is prohibiting Brooks from making the only possible play he can make on Brees. When commenting on Brees' remarks, Lewis said, I'm really disappointed in Drew Brees. To say that you got hit hard, knocked to the ground, and that's the reason you knew a flag had to have been called...is pathetic. This is football. Guys get hit. Drew Brees needs to toughen up. Lewis would go on to defend his fellow linebacker by offering to pay for half of his fine, following through on that promise. 

Flopping

Dammit, soccer. You've ruined everything. You've taken beautiful, passionate, physical competition and turned it into a burlesque show. Soccer players have made famous the art of flopping, which is the noble strategy of upon receiving contact (or sometimes no contact), falling to the ground, wincing and/or grimacing, perhaps writhing and/or yelling...in hopes of convincing the referee that the other player did something to be penalized for. This is all that is wrong with the world wrapped up into one sports gesture. It is dishonest, craven, weak, embarrassing, diabolical, bathed in sin...seeing it makes me want to kick the person who is flopping between the legs, in the empty area where the balls should be found. And it happens all the time. I understand that soccer is a contact sport. They have headers, which are the equivalent of baseball's play-at-the-plate. But soccer could be so much better! Unlike baseball, where players are essentially designated to paths unhindered by human bodies, soccer is a lassaiz-faire kind of field, where physicality could run amok. Here's my own personal suggestion to soccer that will never happen: if soccer allowed for more physicality (refs don't blow the whistle nearly as much), and if the goals were made wider and higher, maybe a meter by a meter (I was going to say three feet by three feet, but then I remembered that Americans don't give a crap) there would be more scoring and more physical play. Soccer would be such a badass game. As is, it kind of sucks. I could maybe deal with the multitude of 1-0 games inherently found in soccer IF the flopping did not exist to the degree that it does. But it does exist, and it's just unwatchable. Every time that I see a grown man flail, fall to the ground, and proceed to writhe and cry, I throw up in my mouth a little bit. Not only do you have to endure this drivel for the entirety of the scene, but you have to see that same person get up a minute later and run around as if nothing was ever wrong. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Nothing was ever wrong. I wish that American soccer was noticeably different - a more physical style perhaps than its world counterpart. But it's not really. American soccer players take their cues from the best, and that means looking to people like Cristiano Ronaldo. Ergo, flop city. Soccer, I will watch you once every four years, because the World Cup is pretty cool, but that's all I can take before I become a serial killer. 

I wish that flopping would have been contained within the sphere of soccer and shunned as a silly practice elsewhere, but it has spread to every sport. Behold the empirical evidence:

Exhibit A: Baseball - Derek Jeter and the Phantom Bean

It is September 16, 2010, and the Yankees are playing the Rays. With one out in the seventh inning, Rays' reliever Chad Qualls throws a pitch inside to Derek Jeter. Jeter retracts his body, but the ball appears to hit him in the elbow, as Jeter drops his bat and squirms a bit, holding his elbow and making hurt noises. The umpire tells Jeter to take first base, however Rays' manager Joe Maddon proceeds to run out of the dugout, calling bullshit. The ruling was sustained. Maddon would be ejected for arguing, and Jeter did indeed take first base. After footage clearly showed that the ball only hit Jeter's bat (which is by rule a foul ball, to be recorded as a strike, rather than a free base), Jeter admitted to having deceived the umpire through his acting. In the locker room, he said to reporters, He told me to go to first base. I'm not going to tell him I'm not going to first, you know? Yeah, we know, Derek. We also know that the Broadway act preceding the umpire telling you to go to first was entirely illegitimate and unnecessary. This sparked controversy in the world of baseball, prompting the question to fans - should this kind of play be part of the game? Umpire ruling does indeed constitute an inherent aspect of subjectivity to the game, and if they can be tricked, why wouldn't you try to pull it off for a competitive edge? Well this brings up the age-old debate of 'do the ends justify the means'? Many admire Jeter for his competitive play and willingness to do everything and anything to win. Many others consider his behavior disgraceful to the sport - that implicit in the game is the notion to play it honestly, with respect and integrity. You know where I stand on this. So I ask you, what's the difference between what Derek Jeter did and soccer flopping? If you came up with 'absolutely nothing' as an answer, then you've made an astute observation.  

Exhibit B: Basketball - "Lebron-ing"

A new trend is sweeping our nation's schools. It's called "LeBron-ing". Remember the concept of "Tebow-ing", whereas you act out the iconic pose of Tim Tebow kneeling in prayer, in order to make fun of him? "LeBron-ing" is the same concept, only rather than kneeling in prayer, you jump away and throw up your hands after slightly grazing one of your peers (in hopes of getting the call!). Kids...you gotta love em! Out of the mouths of babes! Clearly meant to be funny, "LeBron-ing" recognizes the laughable amount that James embellishes contact between he and other players, in order that they be called for fouls and he be sent to the line for free throws. Of course LeBron isn't the only player doing this in the NBA. He's simply the face of the NBA, so if he does this sort of thing, it acts as precedent for everyone else, which is scary. Now let us remind ourselves that LeBron James is 6'8", 250 pounds of pure muscle. It would take a Sherman tank to cause him to stumble. Flopping is becoming incredibly prevalent in basketball - an epidemic of sorts. Perhaps this is more of what Kobe alluded to when he described the game as "finesse". Not only are refs calling fouls, but players are clamoring for them. 

Exhibit C: Football - "Injuries" Used to Stop Clock

PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME THAT FLOPPING HAS ENTERED FOOTBALL, THE PARAGON OF SPORTS TOUGHNESS! ...Yes, I am sad to say that flopping is alive and well in football too. 

September 19, 2011. The St. Louis Rams offense has driven the ball downfield on the New York Giants and find themselves inside the 10 yardline, employing the quick, no-huddle offense. The Giants' defensive unit, urgent to mobilize into its goal line formation, out of the blue witnesses two of its players drop to the turf with inexplicable injuries. Deon Grant and Jacquian Williams could not have been more obviously acting, but there was absolutely nothing the refs could do about it. Having seen "injured" players, they were forced to stop the game, allowing the Giants to take all the time they needed in getting their defense set. This might be what you would call cheating, however as there is no way to prove the farcical nature of these "injuries", referees are handcuffed in having to stop game play. 

Less than two weeks ago, 49er linebacker Ahmad Brooks (yes, again) jumped offsides up and over Carolina's offensive line, clearing everyone. Carolina's quarterback Cam Newton, however, fell over as if he had just received a light haduken from Ryu. I'm not sure if Newton was trying to get a personal foul tacked on to Brooks' offsides or not, but the acting attempt was nothing short of pathetic. 

Come on, football. You're better than that. 

Final Thought

Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure plenty of these new rule changes are for the best. After all, I'm all for the protection of defenseless players. I can't help, however, but stop and ponder how some of these changes are affecting the lifeblood of the games. We may have gained player protection and higher scoring, finesse-style games, but have we stopped to ask ourselves what we've lost? Professional athletes may be considering more mindfully how to bend the rules, wielding great (sometimes terrible) acting along with the repertoire of skills they display on the field, giving new meaning to a "great performance". Our teams may be given a desirable call as a result of one of our players flopping, but at what cost has it been acquired in possibly tarnishing the integrity of the game? 

I'll close by addressing this final point. Some children's soccer leagues are no longer keeping score, in hopes of preserving the fragile psyches of America's youth, by saving them from the trauma of losing (Dammit soccer!). Because that's a valuable lesson in life...there are no hardships and everyone winds up even-Steven. I guess that's one way to fix flopping. You won't even have a reason to do it if you can't win. 

If only the Plymouth Pilgrims could see us now, what would they say? What wisdom would they impart unto us? They'd probably just shake their heads, muttering, Bitches. Then they'd go ford some rivers. 

Christmas Music Countdown

It's that time of year again. There are plenty of reasons to resist the most wonderful time of the year. Maybe you don't like your family, and the thought of having to be around them again immediately after you had to do it at Thanksgiving is a nauseating one. Maybe you're not a fan of the gifts. Gifts, gifts, and more gifts. If you have a big family, then you have my condolences. Because that just sucks. You have to go down a checklist as your wallet gets lighter and lighter. If you're like me, maybe you procrastinate until the twenty-third and then go out and try to knock it all out in one fell swoop. So you find yourself at the mall, that God-forsaken place. The seventh circle of hell. Sure, you might find some inspiration for people. But there will inevitably be several that you just have no idea what to get them. Frazzled, you capitulate and walk into Brookstone, walking out afterward praying that the very thing your dad's been wanting is a neck and shoulder pro massager...with heat. After waiting in lines, body-checking about a third of the passersby, and battling the post-apocalyptic scene in the parking lot, you eventually find yourself home and hating Christmas. That's never happened to me...a friend...once..told me about it. In any case, I'm not a big fan of the gifts myself, but for an entirely different reason. As a Christian, I can't really wrap my mind around when it was that we decided to celebrate Jesus' birth by giving each other stuff. Hey, happy Jesus' birthday...here's a shirt! It's like we want to congratulate each other for making the Incarnation possible, as if God couldn't have done it without us. Hey junior, just wanted to tell you nice job on ushering in Christ those two thousand years ago...here's a toy! I know you've got plenty while there are kids in the bad part of town who have had one meal today, but dammit, you deserve it! I mean, seriously. It's not enough that we already have our day to receive presents, but we have to commandeer Jesus' birthday too?? God help us! Maybe it's not family or the gifts...maybe you're irreligious, and you get so sick of being spoon fed the reason for the season year after year. Well, I don't know what to tell you buddy. Jesus came, and we're pretty stoked about it, and dammit, we're gonna' celebrate. Take pleasure in small victories. The present thing for one, Frosty, Santa and Rudolph. Let's not be ungrateful here. You've got a lot to hang your hat on too.

But you know what, whether you're Ebenezer Scrooge or Tiny Tim, there should be one ubiquitous aspect of the holiday season that we rally around...Christmas music. I know you're like me. You wait eleven months to play this shit. You might even sneak in a few before Thanksgiving, and shame on you! But I love you. I had a teacher in high school who proudly admitted that he listened to Christmas music all year round. Any way you slice it, Christmas has inspired some of the best music out there. I may or may not actually believe that, but at the very least it's fun and extremely nostalgic. I've started listening, and this year I'm going the route of complete immersion in Christmas music. There will be no other kind of music that I listen to from now until January. I only get a month, and I'm going to make the most of it!

In this quest to experience Christmas music ecstasy, I have wanted to share with the world my findings. Therefore I have compiled below a comprehensive list of the ten tracks that must grace your ears, travel through your synapses, and find their way into your frontal lobes, setting off chemicals and neurotransmitters that tell your mind that you are in auditory elysium. One of the many great things about music is that it is entirely subjective. No one can tell me that these are not the ten greatest Christmas tracks, and I in turn can insist upon the fact that they are. You can tell me that some of the classics belong on here, such as Bing Crosby's "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas", Andy Williams' "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year", and Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song". I will in turn tell you that you are wrong and that those songs suck. Some may try to make an argument for some of the newer artists should find their way to this prestigious list, such as Michael Buble. I like Michael Buble, don't get me wrong, but his Christmas album is too overproduced and cheesy. And why in heaven's name did he try putting a lounge-singing spin to Schubert's "Ave Maria"?? Nails on chalkboard, my friends. No, like any art, somewhere in the middle we will find just right.

Just a note before you read on - I have chosen to represent ten different artists that I think should be recognized for their contributions to Christmas music. If I were truly just going off mere individual tracks, only three albums would probably be on here. But I wanted this list to represent a more diverse spectrum of what Christmas sounds like to me; therefore I've tried to pick the best track of each significant artist. Because of that, the rankings are perhaps a bit skewed, with preference being given to tracks that represent an artist that has truly contributed a vast amount to Christmas music repertoire. So without further adieu, we'll begin with number ten...

#10 Wizards in Winter
Trans-Siberian Orchestra (The Lost Christmas Eve)
Wizards in Winter

It was between this or N Sync's "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays". I picked Trans-Siberian Orchestra because they successfully rock out while still maintaining a distinct Christmas feel. And at some point this holiday season, amidst the nice fluffy-sounding Christmas music that we are so accustomed to (and love), you should find yourself rocking out. I chose Wizards of Winter because if you close your eyes and allow your imagination to run wild, a badass wizard duel amidst a furious flurry will ensue. After your own zen-like experience with this track, you need to fast-forward Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 to the battle at Hogwarts, mute it, and press play with this song on in the background. Magical.
Honorable mention: Christmas Eve/Sarajevo




#9 Greensleaves (What Child is This)
Kenny G (Miracles: The Holiday Album)
Greensleaves

I'll probably catch some flack for this, and maybe I lose my man-card (or maybe I lost it when I said I almost put N Sync on this list), but I don't care. Kenny puts a uniquely jazzy feel to this Christmas classic, and it works rather well. Kenny G might not have your respect, but you should put away your qualms with him just this once and listen to this rendition. I mean that soprano sax is good.

#8 Christmas Time is Here
Vince Guaraldi Trio (A Charlie Brown Christmas)
Christmas Time is Here

Come now, I had to put some Vince Guaraldi on this list. It's just so classic, it's legit jazzy (because Kenny G is probably not), and it brings back such nostalgia with memories of watching Charlie Brown.
Honorable mention: The entire album. Christmas Time is Here is probably its most recognized track, but every piece is iconic, laced with memories of certain scenes in the movie. It's a perfect Christmas album to have on the background and play from beginning to end.

#7 The Lord's Prayer
Andrea Bocelli (My Christmas)
The Lord's Prayer

Josh Groban might have made this list for his O Holy Night, but that title was already taken by another artist down the list. And quite frankly, Andrea Bocelli is better. On an otherwise overproduced and disappointing album, The Lord's Prayer really shines through as the star. Collaborating with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, this truly is Andrea Bocelli at his best. Besides this, I just love that The Lord's Prayer is on his Christmas album. That's quite unconventional, but I think it's extremely tasteful and the message of the Prayer coincides so well with God's Son coming to the world.

#6 Last Christmas 
Wham! 
Last Christmas

This is where I divulge my dirty little secret: I freakin' love 80's music. This will come out in full force later on in these rankings, and I just wanted to prepare you right now. But seriously, in the secular realm, this is the gold standard. It's just so stinking catchy, and George Michael's vocals soar with his smoother than silk tenor timbre. And those bells...I could listen to it on replay for hours.

#5 O Holy Night
Mariah Carey (Merry Christmas)
O Holy Night

Why not All I Want for Christmas is You, right?? Wrong. You know, we often lose sight of the fact that this girl can flat out sing. I mean...holy crap. And this song demonstrates the breadth of her illustrious pipes. She begins with that sultry alto that is the bread and butter of her range and then slowly builds up to belting in her high tessitura, and finally reaching her whistle register on the high note of "-vine". This version of O Holy Night gives me chills every time I hear it. It is just delivered with such mastery. This whole album is indeed overplayed come Christmas time, but for good reason. It's stellar. Side note: I have a love/hate relationship with Mariah, as she pioneered the pop-melismatic vocal style that has impacted virtually every young aspiring female pop singer since. Mariah did it effortlessly - it just seemed to flow from her. Almost everyone since has just sounded contrived, and no one more so or worse than Christina Aguilera, who just went WAY over the top with things. Yes Christina, there is such a thing as too many notes.

#4 Emmanuel
Amy Grant (A Christmas Album)
Emmanuel

It's freaking hard to pick one Amy Grant song. There are so many greats, like Breath of Heaven. I wanted to shed some light on another lesser-known. Emmanuel is from Amy's first Christmas Album, A Christmas Album, which is one of the best of all-time. The album is so 80's-tastic, you just have to love it. Emmanuel is pretty rockin', and it's got some amazingly cheesy/awesome synth themes thrown in. But the entire album deserves a run-through...and then you should probably just listen to all of her other Christmas songs too. Christmas is not Christmas without Amy.
Honorable mention: Tennessee Christmas, Little Town, Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song), A Christmas to Remember

#3 Gloria 
Michael W. Smith (Christmas)
Gloria

Simply epic. From the driving piano theme at the beginning, to the electric guitar accompaniment in the middle, to the colossal choral finish - this is just an awesome Christmas song on a very under appreciated Christmas album that tastefully integrates children's and adult choir throughout. Make a concession for some slight 80's cheesiness, and this song and album as a whole will blow you away.

#2 God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen/Stille Nacht
Mannheim Steamroller (Christmas)
God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen and Stille Nacht

There is no way I'm not putting Mannheim Steamroller up here as one of the highest. This group from Nebraska (good old heartland) has composed the most creative and ingenious instrumental renditions on traditional Christmas pieces that I have heard. And God Rest Ye Mary Gentlemen is probably my favorite of them all. The horn on melody at the beginning is ominous but powerful, and it just builds from there into an onslaught of awesome. Their version of Stille Nacht on the same album demonstrates the versatility of Mannheim, as it could not be more different in terms of feel from the preceding track but is equally magnificent. This incredibly warm rendition will melt your heart - particularly with piano and violin in the middle. The most beautiful ending to what is probably the best Christmas album of them all. A favorite to play while decorating the tree.
Honorable mention: Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella, Carol of the Bells, Veni Veni

#1 Ave Maria (Biebl) 
Chanticleer (Our Heart's Joy) 
Ave Maria

Alright, I'm biased. But seriously. At the heart of Christmas music are yuletide carols being sung by a choir, and this particular track from Chanticleer is the pinnacle of choral excellence. If you have a spare seven and a half minutes, you absolutely must listen to this. And don't listen to it leisurely, as you would background music. You must dedicate your heart and mind to this track. Go to a quiet, dark place, put on good quality headphones, and play this so that you can hear it well. It takes some time to develop, but you will be glad you were patient with it. Beginning with "Sancta Maria" at 5:30 on to the end is some of the most beautiful choral music ever written or performed. The five-fold "amen" ending will give you chills. If it doesn't then you are ridiculous. This is one of the most exquisite recordings ever made and will make you appreciate Christmas (and life in general) in a new and profound way.
Honorable mention: Village Wedding

Well, there you have it. That is my top ten. Please feel free to comment if you take issue with any that I have on or have left out. I love a good musical debate, and chances are, I will probably agree with your choices being great. I hope that you are taking advantage of this season in being able to enjoy this fine music. From Shades of Blue (and green and red), I am wishing you all the happiest of seasons and the merriest of Christmases. Remember to keep in mind the things that are important and beautiful. God bless!

NFL No Longer Incognito

This girl is like f----- perfect right now, I don't wanna ruin that.
-Good Will Hunting

Please don't tell me how sausage is prepared. Don't tell me what's in it. I don't want to know. All I want to know is how its taste affects my umami senses. All I want is to retain the joy that is inherent in knowing that sausage is yummy. I don't need other knowledge adulterating the way I understand sausage to be. I'll buy it at the store, I'll cook it in my kitchen, but I don't want to be taking a field trip to the butcher shop, lest sausage be ruined for me. What can I say, ignorance is bliss.

We know there are things inside the fraternity of professional football that would make us sick if we had omniscience, but we don't want to know what they are because that would threaten the way we perceive the goodness of the game. Several years ago the story was broken that members of the New Orleans Saints' coaching staff, namely their defensive coordinator, had ordered bounties on key members of the opposing team. If those players were injured or effectively taken out of the game, the player(s) who caused it was paid. That story became a headliner largely because of how horrifying it was to the outside world. How could this be true?! How could people do this kind of thing??! We demanded retribution for those responsible.

Well another story has surfaced concerning the guts of football, and it's just as hard to digest in my opinion. Strange reports came out last week regarding an instance of bullying in the Miami Dolphins club that led to second-year offensive lineman Jonathan Martin promptly quitting the team. What apparently had been a steady stream of incidents finally culminated in the cafeteria, when team members decided to stand up and walk away from the table Martin had chosen to sit down at, a prank that they apparently play with some frequency on various team members. We'll focus on the cafeteria now and get to those other incidents soon.

The NFL has a reputation of being tough, and veteran players proudly engage in the tradition of hazing new players as a rite of passage, that they may be inducted into this elite fraternity of toughness. This hazing can take on many forms. Sometimes a rookie will have to pick up a substantial check at dinner (some have reported having to spend an upwards of $30K!). Sometimes a player might be tied naked to a goal post. Sometimes apparently players will alienate another as a pariah, leaving them to eat alone at the lunch table. So you have material, physical, and mental (or emotional) hazing. The first two I can stomach as somewhat innocuous. A player made newly rich has to drop thousands on dinner for his veteran teammates...that's kind of funny in a humbling way. A player has to endure physical abuse by being tied to the goal post naked...the symbolism in the prank serves to send the message: get used to taking a beating out on this field. It's more or less humorous. The latter, although perhaps seemingly the smallest of the bunch, is the one that I just can't seem to wrap my head around.

Football has been called the ultimate team sport. The players need to work as a collective unit, or they cannot accomplish their goals. Unity is not just a value in football. It can't have the luxury of merely being a value. It's a necessity. And yet these players on the Dolphins on occasion engage in walking away form their teammates at the lunch table? First of all, ass clowns, this is no longer elementary school; can we please graduate from fourth grade repertoire? Seriously, that's not even a funny prank. Put his hand in warm water while he's asleep or something! He'll then pee the bed. Way funnier.

More to the point, why do this? We've already established that it's not at all funny. At best, it's a lame ass prank that should've died out by the time these guys were playing pop warner. At worst, it's an act that begins to corrode the spirit of unity at play in the locker room. Think about it. That kind of behavior does nothing more than make someone feel alienated. If you want to keep shitting on team morale Miami, by all means, keep up with this tradition. Needless to say, it's working.

Martin (left) and Incognito

But Martin didn't quit the team because of that one example of idiocy. If that were the case, I would advise him to grow some thicker skin. Since the report was made, however, it has become clear that Martin quit because he was being harassed by his teammates, namely Richie Incognito, in ways that I can only describe as sinister. The following voicemail left by Incognito to Martin bears witness to how far the line was crossed. Warning: the language, although somewhat obscured, is still incredibly offensive...

Hey, wassup, you half n----- piece of s---. I saw you on Twitter, you been training ten weeks. I want to s--- in your f---ing mouth. I'm going to slap your f---ing mouth. I'm going to slap your real mother across the face [laughter]. F--- you, you're still a rookie. I'll kill you.

Who is to Blame?

There are so many questions to ask after reading this voicemail, perhaps none more pressing than why? Why did Richie Incognito leave this message? The way I see it, there are only two options: Incognito did this of his own volition and is certifiably a sociopath, or there are other factors at play. This would have been so much easier had the former been true. We could've pinned this whole thing on Incognito, cast him as the villain, and moved on. Fortunately or unfortunately, the situation is far more convoluted than that.

As this story continues to unravel, it is becoming more and more clear that Incognito was sanctioned by his coaches to use in his estimation the means necessary to toughen Jonathan Martin up. This is a dog eat dog league, and apparently coaches doubted whether or not Martin had the necessary grit needed in order to compete. So they turned to Incognito. Why?

Incognito has had a troubled past that has been well-documented. He played football at Nebraska and was suspended by two different head coaches, the second instance resulting in his being kicked off the team. He then transferred to Oregon...and got kicked off the team. He was released by the St. Louis Rams in 2009 after receiving two personal fouls and arguing with his coach...all in the same game. He has had multiple altercations with players on opposing teams, resulting in their trying to hit him. In 2009, he was voted the NFL's dirtiest player. Admittedly, he is no "choir boy".

Despite his history, Incognito seemed to have rehabilitated himself since signing with Miami. He has spoken openly about his history with drugs while in the league and overcoming a double life - NFL football player by day and "doing everything he shouldn't have been doing" by night. He was recently voted Miami's most likable player, as it relates to the press and a player's willingness to speak to reporters. He became a pro bowl offensive lineman last year, and this season was chosen by teammates to be one of six members on the team's leadership council.

You see, Incognito is the type of player we see and cringe at, but that same player matches the prototype for what many NFL coaches and executives are seeking. They want unconscionable meanness, because that's what it takes to succeed in the league. Maybe Miami coaches entrusted to Incognito this task because they had perceived in him a change in being able to channel his anger on the field and overcome his demons off it. Maybe he had truly taken the helm of a bonafide leader in the locker room. Maybe their intentions were pure, even if they were careless given Incognito's history. It's also possible, however, that they were all too aware of what they were doing when asking for this man to intervene. It's possible that they unchained a rottweiler while looking the other way. It's possible that they knew of the Pandora's Box they were unleashing on Martin. It's possible that any emotional collateral damage done to Martin would have readily been sacrificed by his coaches en route to his becoming "tough". If that's true, then these coaches deserve a rather large piece of the culpable pie.

Interestingly enough, Jonathan Martin has been under scrutiny for the part he has played in...getting bullied (Shame on you, Martin, don't get bullied!). Among many of the things I'm hearing right now is: why didn't Martin just stand up to Incognito? Why didn't he approach the players or coaches about it? In other words, why didn't Martin take matters into his own hands? Why didn't he just punch Incognito or something? You stand up to the bully, and the bully goes away, right?

This is just stupid for a number of reasons. First of all, we don't know that Martin didn't try to talk to the necessary parties in the Dolphins organization concerning his being bullied. In fact, reports are that Martin's agent did bring this area of concern to some of those in the Dolphins' executive leadership positions. Secondly, this notion of be a man; be tough; push him back seems so antiquated. I know this is football and testosterone runs high, but does that really mean that men must resort to their most base instincts, such as talking has failed, so let's fight! Not to mention, this implicitly suggests that violence fixes violence. Great message we're sending there. Call me a Christian pacifist and a believer in turn-the-other-cheek-ideology, but I think there are better alternatives to returning Incognito's threats or exacting violence upon him in order to stop or mitigate his actions. That's ideology. Here's another reason: Richie Incognito is 319 pounds, benches 600, and has a history of volatile behavior. This is a bully with some bite to his bark. If you pick a fight with this guy, you might be signing up to have your face smashed in, or worse. That's pragmatism. Lastly, there exists an almost tangible hierarchy in football that players cannot forsake. Just like any other business, football players move up the ladder with experience, and experience gains them respect and credibility. The veteran Richie Incognito has those things; two-year "softie" Jonathan Martin doesn't. Sure, it's easy to say things like stand up for yourself! or tell the players, tell the coaches. Yeah, and they're supposed to do what? Come to your aid over the nine-year pro-bowl veteran on the leadership council? Maybe. But maybe not. That's social hierarchy, and it's a very real factor at play here.

For all these people suggesting that Martin needs to toughen up and stand his ground against Incognito, consider this: for all intents and purposes, Richie Incognito is as a superior to Jonathan Martin in their respective place of work. Imagine for a moment that your boss has asked one of your superiors to supervise you in an aspect of your job description that your boss deems to be a weakness for you. The superior is well liked by the entire office and your boss. While working together, this person begins to make you feel uncomfortable, maybe even bullied, but no one else seems to think it's anything. It's just who that co-worker is, they insist. Their behavior begins to torment you. You talk to them about it, but they do not change their methods. What would you do? Would you punch that co-worker in the face? Would you tattle on them to your boss, knowing that your boss likes this person a lot and that you would subsequently lose everyone's respect in the office? You may choose simply to walk away, and that's what Jonathan Martin did. It seemed to be the only option he saw that he could take - the lesser of evils. Many of us would choose to do the exact same thing if a similar situation presented itself to us. So why is he held to a different standard? Is it because he's a football player and should be gritty and tough? Get over yourself and step into this young man's situation. He was between a rock and a hard place.

Will the real Richie Incognito please stand up?

There have been seemingly a plethora of interesting twists in this story as it has unfolded, perhaps none more capricious than public perception surrounding Richie Incognito. As soon as Incognito's voicemail to Martin was released, he was pegged as a bully, a racist, a bigot, and a sociopath. It was easy to assume that he was universally disapproved of, even on his own team - especially after having bullied his teammate into quitting and negligently using racial slurs throughout those communications. That was all true...until Dolphins players began to speak up.

One of the most befuddling aspects to this story has been the universal support shown from the Miami Dolphins team not towards Jonathan Martin, but to Richie Incognito. It has become clear that in the players' estimation, the greatest offense committed in all of this was Martin's, when he chose to take an in-house matter outside of the locker room. That represents a breaking of the players' Code in the NFL, and it is unforgivable. It spells a death sentence for Martin, who has almost certainly lost the support and respect of his teammates, now that locker room solidarity has been shattered.

But what about Incognito?! Did you see what he said to that poor young man?! Doesn't Incognito's use of the n-word reveal that he is in fact a racist?! Hasn't he alienated himself from his black teammates?! According to players on the Miami Dolphins, the answer is shockingly no.

I want to take this chance to discuss the issues of race and societal norms, as it relates to the NFL. In society, there are two contexts for which the n-word is spoken. Spoken from anyone else, especially a white person, it harkens to the racial term given to African Americans by whites during times of slavery in this nation's history. Such a weapon can be as shackling as any chain when its use is to subjugate an entire race of people by demeaning and undermining them as human beings. Under no means can that word be used by a non-black person. To do so is to uncork several centuries worth of hate and oppression into a single utterance. There is perhaps no greater spoken folly in our society than a white person speaking that word in reference to a black person. In stark contrast, when spoken by a black person, the word's meaning undergoes an astonishing metamorphosis, in becoming a term of endearment, likened to "brother". Semantics.

If you hadn't known or gleaned it already, Richie Incognito is white; Jonathan Martin is half black. By rules of our societal norms, Incognito should be properly castigated for what he said. His black teammates should take special offense to Incognito's words. Yet many of those teammates are coming to Incognito's defense. How can this be? In order to answer this question, we need to first differentiate the NFL from the society that we know and understand. Antonio Pierce, a former linebacker in the NFL and now ESPN analyst, and who also happens to be black, put it this way: in the locker room, divisions of color fade. You are no longer seeing people in terms of black and white; you see them in whatever your team's color scheme is. That is to say, if you are Patriots, everyone is Patriot blue and red. If you are Vikings, everyone is Viking purple and gold. You go to war with these people week in and week out, and in the process you become family. The only divisions are between your team and the one on the other sideline.

What appears had happened in the case of Richie Incognito is that some of his black teammates, such as starting center Mike Pouncey, had grown to respect and love him so much that they had honorarily accepted him into their brotherhood. A video aired by TMZ revealed this relationship, as Incognito uses the n-word around Pouncey and then hugs him. To make matters more complicated, Dolphins reporter Armando Salguero reported several days ago that some of the black players on the Miami Dolphins actually perceive Incognito as more black than Martin, who I remind you is actually black. An unnamed Dolphin offered this insight:

Richie (Incognito) is honorary. I don't expect you to understand because you're not black. But being a black guy, being a brother is more than just about skin color. It's about how you carry yourself. How you play. Where you come from. What you've experienced. A lot of things.

Apparently to that man and most likely to numerous others on the Dolphins team, Incognito embodies more of the attributes that make a black man black than Jonathan Martin, who I remind you once again is actually black. Maybe the next time Richie identifies his race when the census arrives, he'll mark "Black" and offer that explanation.

Martin with Andrew Luck - Stanford

This becomes a sad reality on several levels. First, to differentiate Richie Incognito from Jonathan Martin in terms of blackness is to differentiate a white man who has been kicked out of two universities, struggled with anger control, been labeled a dirty player, and appeared largely as a buffoon in the way that he has conducted himself against a black man whose parents were educated at Harvard, who he himself was educated at Stanford, and who has had no issues of conduct whatsoever on or off the field. Mike Wilbon, an excellent black reporter and journalist for ESPN, offered that this kind of outlook stems back from times of slavery, when slaves working in the mansion were looked down upon by those working in the fields, for being too close to their white masters. Perhaps due to his upbringing, Jonathan Martin is being depicted as an Uncle Tom within the Dolphins' locker room. If that is true, the players who are saying as much are unknowingly perpetuating stereotypes that should be done away with entirely, by associating true blackness with lower levels of education and exhibiting a propensity for violence. That Jonathan Martin is not confined to being a football player, but that in his pursuit of higher education he can do anything he wants whenever he or forces of nature should decide that his football career is over, should be something every young child who hopes to be a professional athlete should aspire to.

Incognito's use of the n-word is not the only instance of a white player in the NFL using the word in the last year. During this past offseason, Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper was caught using the word at a club. I don't think the circumstances in Cooper's case are as nuanced as with Incognito. That he was deemed an honorary black man as well seems unlikely. But does our understanding of the context within the Dolphins' locker room change the way we see Incognito's behavior? Does it make his using the word any less abhorrent? If his using that word was not spoken out of hate directed towards black people but as a man that had accepted his black teammates' invitation as an honorary member, in desiring to fit in with them, then yes, I think that would make Richie Incognito seem less like the devil incarnate. But that by no means excuses Incognito. I don't care if you've been told that you're honorarily black. I don't care if you're given explicit permission to use the word. As a white person in American society, you are held to the standard of knowing that using that word is an egregious offense.

Still, two uses of white NFL players saying the n-word within the last year is two too many. Is the reason simply that there are some racists within the thirty percent of white players comprising the NFL's player population, and they are getting caught with their foot in their mouth? Maybe. Could it also, however, be an issue of white players becoming desensitized to the word because of the frequency and comfort with which it is spoken in NFL locker rooms? Maybe. Remember what Antonio Pierce said. Racial divisions are largely broken down in football locker rooms. Players become family. This certainly seems the case for Richie Incognito, who Armando Salguero has reported that to a man, every Dolphins player loves. Although everything entailing the Dolphins' perception of Richie Incognito sounds bizarre, we have to remember that the culture in an NFL locker room is largely estranged from normal society. For these men who have been around the locker room culture of football all their lives and who have spent copious amounts of time together, it is easy to imagine that locker room culture is all they know. What rules we as society rely upon may indeed be foreign policy in the locker rooms. They have their own policies that are recognized, and it works for them...well, for most of them.

I love that racial barriers are largely broken down in NFL locker rooms, but I'm saddened that a result may possibly lead to the confusion of our understanding some of these societal norms that aid us in respecting and loving one another. Though Richie Incognito may be allowed to use the n-word flippantly around his teammates, that doesn't change the fact that his voicemail is universally offensive outside of the Dolphins' locker room. It will be sad indeed if confusion over this word leads to ignorance of why we treat it with such sensitivity; our power over the word lies in our knowledge of the evil that has been done in its name. My hope is that incidents such as these can galvanize a movement to abolish the n-word entirely from any societal context. When spoken from the lips of any race, whether spoken lovingly or malevolently, I hope we all can condition ourselves to feel nauseated upon hearing it and have the courage to give those that speak it a brief history lesson.

Sausage

Incognito - having one's true identity concealed

There is still an absurd amount to this story that we do not yet know. It seems as if every day that passes reveals new information with which to appropriate into the puzzle, which means that by the time you read this it will probably be out of date. I'm not sure where the blame lies in this situation, but I think that it is entirely possible that both Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin are receiving more vitriol than they deserve, which makes both of them victims in a way.

I think what we can take away from all of this is an understanding that NFL culture is entirely enigmatic to those on the outside looking in. A team that would almost unanimously back a loose cannon like Richie Incognito over the likes of Jonathan Martin in the face of indicting evidence such as we have causes me to question the character of those within the fraternity of professional football. Perhaps another shred of lining has been pulled back from the NFL's concealed identity in this saga, and I find myself wishing that I hadn't beheld what I've seen...

Monday Quarterback

If you can't play, coach. If you can't coach, write. Sounds about right. Here are some thoughts regarding what is happening in the world of sports right now.

Baseball

The Mecca of the sports world tonight is St. Louis, and I find myself facing east, praying that Game 5 of the World Series receives more national interest than an insignificant Monday Night Football game. Please tell me, America, that you would rather watch compelling World Series baseball than witness the Seattle Seahawks drub the not-so-good St. Louis Rams, who have been demoted to "sucks" status now that their offense relies upon backup quarterback Kellen Clemens and not Sam Bradford. How bad is Kellen Clemens? The Rams reportedly reached out to Brett Favre earlier this week to see if he could be coaxed into coming out of retirement. How bad are the Rams? Brett Favre said no.

So if you call anywhere outside of Seattle home, don't you dare tell me that you're watching football tonight. Tied up at two games a piece, this has been a compelling, albeit weird Series thus far, especially when taking into account how the last two games have ended. An obstruction call and a pickoff are not exactly conventional endings. I thought Jim Joyce's call in Game 3 was the right one. Boston's 3B Will Middlebrooks clearly lifted both legs in front of Allen Craig, causing him to trip on his way to home plate. Craig scores easily without Middlebrooks' happy feet. Not to be outdone by the blunder, Cardinals' backup 2B and last night's pinch-runner Kolten Wong was picked off first base with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. The mistake could have been understood if it were a one run game and perhaps even forgettable if it had been a mere mortal at the plate. Unfortunately for Wong, the circumstances were anything but that. First of all, the score was 4-2. The hitter, not Wong, represented the tying run. The strategic benefits of a lead at first were zilch. For all intents and purposes, Wong should have simply stood on the base. But no, after having been explicitly warned by head coach Mike Matheny that Boston's closer Koji Uehara has a terrific pickoff move, Wong was caught underestimating his opponent by being liberal with his lead. Perhaps the pickoff moves aren't as good in the minors. But that's not the worst of it. The batter at the plate was Carlos Beltran, who has done everything again this playoffs to show that he is one of the greatest postseason hitters ever, short of wearing red and blue and revealing that he can fly. It's an unforgivable sin to take the bat out of the hands of such a player with your team trailing in the ninth. I feel terribly for Wong, especially as he held back tears while courageously fielding questions by reporters in the locker room after the conclusion of the game. It is not a sign of weakness to make clear that you have a heart. Perhaps most of us have forgotten the feeling in sports of letting down your teammates. If you care about anyone but yourself, it is something that is cry-worthy. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Such is the dichotomy in those moments. One player's tears of joy is another's tears of sadness.

While I don't have a vested interest in either the Cardinals or the BoSox, I am a fan of compelling baseball. This World Series is shaping up to be one of the more compelling baseball has seen in a long while. Historically speaking, these are two of the winningest franchises in baseball's history. St. Louis is second, with eleven World Series victories in nineteen appearances, and Boston is fourth, winning nine out of thirteen. These are also two of the most decorated teams in the majors when considering the present era. Both the Red Sox and the Cardinals are two of only three teams to win multiple Series in the last decade. And yet somehow it's so new. Gone are the iconic coaches Tony LaRussa and Terry Francona. Gone are team leaders Manny Ramirez, Jason Varitek, and Albert Pujols. This is refreshing, compelling baseball to watch. Boston's raucous fan base is the pride of baseball on the east coast, and the passion for Cardinals baseball in St. Louis is the gold standard in the Midwest. Tonight's matchup is a rematch of Game 1 aces Adam Wainwright and Jon Lester. I expect Wainwright to rebound and for the Cardinals to head back to Boston up three games to two. I hope the Series goes seven games with a dramatic finish. This World Series deserves that kind of ending, and it would be great for baseball.

NFL Football

My passion is positive
-Dez Bryant

In anticipation of the Cowboys' matchup against the Detroit Lions, Dez Bryant was heard on Dallas sports talk radio last week saying that anything Calvin Johnson could do, he could do also. 329 yards and two tantrums later, it's clear that Bryant was engaging in some laughable hyperbole. Perhaps being taken in the first round by America's Team has given him somewhat of a big head. Don't get me wrong, at twenty four years old, Bryant is a fine receiver - arguably one of the best in the league. But don't make the mistake of comparing yourself to a person who was genetically engineered in the womb to be a wide receiver. At 6-5, 236 pounds, great speed, and hands like fly paper, it doesn't seem very fair for Calvin Johnson to be matching up against other humans. He should be playing against Kodiak bears or something.

Bears got nothin' on Megatron

Johnson's performance yesterday will go down as one of the greats in a single game in the history of the NFL. As one that has looked over thousands of box scores, there is rarely a statistic that causes me to gawk. I gawked at 329. That number is second only to a guy named Flipper by seven yards, and that game went into overtime. It's kind of difficult to be shown up when you have seventy-two yards receiving and two touchdowns, but Bryant's fine game was a mere afterthought to Johnson's, who Dez can apparently emulate.

No, we won't remember Bryant's performance. What we will remember are his child-like tirades caught on camera on the sidelines. In the third quarter, before a third down play was snapped, cameras caught Bryant motioning to his quarterback Tony Romo, as if to say throw it to me. Romo didn't, and the result was an incompletion. By the time Romo had sat down on the sideline to talk with Cowboy coaches, Bryant was having his own little tantrum concerning what we have to speculate is his disappointment in not being thrown to. Later, Romo would hit another Cowboy receiver, Terrance Williams, on a 60-yard touchdown play. You'd think Bryant would be happy that his team had scored and was up ten points on their opponent. But he was seen after the play on the sideline disgruntled again. Despite Dez catching his second touchdown later in the fourth, the Cowboys would go on to give up two more touchdowns to Detroit. After Matthew Stafford snuck in the second touchdown, Bryant was caught yet again blowing up on the sideline, with only a mere twenty seconds left in the game and all hope apparently lost. This time, other Cowboys were seen returning his yells with some of their own pointed back at him, namely the quietly respected and revered tight end Jason Witten. Witten seemed upset with Bryant, gesturing to the game clock, as if to say there are still twenty seconds left, and this team needs you to be cool!

Bryant's temper tantrums did seem passionate if anything, but what were they passionate about? Were they impassioned exhortations for the Dallas Cowboys not to lose a crucial game, or were they the bratty cries of a primadonna receiver to get more balls thrown his way, because the player on the other team, the one who he claimed to be as good as, was stealing his thunder? And if the talent level was not a stark enough contrast between Johnson and Bryant, then the demeanor certainly was. For as otherworldly good as Calvin Johnson is, he remains one of the most upstanding and humble guys on the field. His rhetoric is his game, and it speaks loud and clear.

Dez Bryant needs to shut up. During his spout with Tony Romo, Romo could be seen saying something back. I like to imagine that in his puzzled state, he said something like Dez, you know that we're one and eight in games that you catch multiple touchdown passes? So with all do respect, no, I will not throw it to you every time you want me to. I'm gonna' find the guy who's open. Dez needs to worry about getting open...and in the meantime shut his mouth, 'cuz his "passion" aint positive.

NCAA Football

With another brilliant performance on Saturday, Johny Manziel has reasserted himself as a Heisman front-runner for 2013. On Saturday, Johnny Football threw for 305 yards and four touchdowns in two and a half quarters, before departing the game due to the chasm of points he had created in his team's favor.

Rob, I want to party with youuu!

But once again, Manziel is in the headlines for something non-football related. During a promotional video "Ask the Aggies", shown on A&M's jumbotron during the game, Manziel responded to the question of who would you most want to be at a party with by answering Charlie Sheen, Rob Gronkowksi, and Tiger Woods. Mm, that's a lovely pantheon of debauchery, Johnny. The trinity of sleeze. Never has an answer revealed so much about what qualities the lover of limelight Johnny Manziel reveres. Sheen, Gronkowski, and Woods. Lunacy, idiocy, and nymphomania (partayyy!). Or, if we can sum it up more succinctly, (in)famous guys who score chicks. You're halfway there, Johnny! And you've managed to reinforce every male collegiate stereotype. Now with Manziel's dubious off the field behavior, he either has a really funny self-deprecating sense of humor, or he is brash in his candor. I'm willing to bet he's not that funny.

If only he weren't so damn good at football...

Satisfaction Without the Big-O

Risk: The probability or threat of quantifiable damage, injury, liability, loss, or any other negative occurrence that is caused by external or internal vulnerabilities, and that may be avoided through preemptive action.

Alright, it's high time that I wrote about football, if nothing else to appease the masses. Week 7 approacheth, and this country once again has tunnel vision for its love, its current pastime - football. It makes sense that as time has progressed, the more we've become enchanted with football. We're a society that needs to have its desires met, and quickly! With the advancement of technology, information has become accessible to us at the push of a button. In Kansas City, Google has unleashed its own Internet service provider called Google Fiber. With a fiber-optic mode of transference, connection speeds soar to 1,000 Mbps, or 100 times faster than today's basic broadband connection. You literally don't have to wait a second. Remember the temperance and fortitude that we used to demonstrate with dial-up Internet? It was like some form of cruel flaggelation, watching that bar slowly load. What character that imbued upon us! No longer. With smart phones, we can be anywhere and have immediate access to the information we need...I mean want. It's overwhelming trying to keep up with the progress. I don't even know which iPhone or Droid they're on now. Today's rule of thumb for technology - the "buyer beware", is that whatever you purchase, it will be rendered obsolete in about six months by its successor. You know that cool, Samsung Galaxy Quatro, or whatever the hell it's called nowadays (I did just use nowadays, in channeling my inner old fogey)? Yeah, it's not gonna' be cool soon. I hope this rant serves to illustrate that along with our progress, we've become a society that needs, needs, needs NOW! You know those spoiled brat kids that get whatever they want and demand that their parents give them that thing of their heart's desire because they know they'll get it? We're those kids, only we can't hide behind the screen of being immature toddlers. Need proof? Go down to your nearest Apple Store the day they release the next iPhone. You'll see consumers lining up for half a block, probably witness a fight, and then watch as the people walk out of the store with their new merch, only to see their heads turn to the next shiny thing before they get to their car. We've become a nation that collectively suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder due to the rapid pace with which we live. It should be no surprise that football has chop-blocked the other sports in a popularity contest. It's a game of bursts, and it's entertaining as hell. Down, down, down, punt, commercial break. Whew. Oh! It's back on! Down, down, first down! ...down, down, first down! TOUCHDOWN! Commercial break. It makes a sport like baseball seem tame or boring. Baseball, which utilizes space. Space with which to observe, to take in with heightened awareness all that is happening on the field before that suspenseful moment when the pitch is thrown. Baseball calls for the art of patience in its viewership...an art that is quickly becoming extinct. The following analogy is offered - Baseball : old man asleep on his rocking chair :: football : meth addict with Funyons. And Lord knows we love our Funyons - the root word being 'fun'.

To be clear, I love me some football. I had the privilege of growing up in Kansas football heyday in the 90's, when the Chiefs would win their division seemingly every year, and the KSU Wildcats were national title contenders in the late 90's and early 2000's under Bill Snyder. Football had since lost much of its luster in Kansas City. Arrowhead Stadium, which was one of the more feared visiting venues to play in, known for its passionate and raucous fan base, had been incapacitated due to the ease with which opposing teams could come into KC and win. But the fans hadn't disappeared. They just lay dormant, waiting for the opportunity to wake up...

They're awake. With a win over the Oakland Raiders on Sunday afternoon, by a score of 23-7, the Kansas City Chiefs moved to 6-0, and subsequently snapped a streak of six years in a row that the Raiders had come into Arrowhead Stadium and won. A New Orleans Saints loss to the Patriots vaulted the Chiefs into elite company with their division rivals the Denver Broncos, as one of only two undefeated teams left in the NFL. Truth be told, I did not think my first NFL blog post would be concerning the Chiefs. I do not intend for Shades of Blue to be overly Kansas City-centric and coming off a 2012 season in which the Chiefs went 2-14, let's face it - they weren't exactly portending relevance. But they've forced my hand. Being the most surprising success story in the NFL will do that.

The two most important positions on a football team are the head coach and the starting quarterback. The coach teaches, orchestrates game plans, calls or sanctions plays...he's the puppet master of what you see going on in the game. The quarterback acts as the general on the field. The 2013 Kansas City Chiefs have new personnel at both positions (and a new general manager to boot), giving them arguably the biggest facelift of any team this year in the NFL. All Kansas City can say in response is, "Thank God." Those changes were sorely needed, and with the signing of Andy Reid as head coach and trading for Alex Smith at quarterback, there was an atmosphere of excitement surrounding this Kansas City team in the offseason. But I don't even think the most hopeful of Kansas City fans would have thought the Chiefs would be 6-0. I don't think Andy Reid thought it would happen, I don't think Alex Smith did...nobody saw this coming. So how did they get here?

Despite only winning two games all season in 2012, the Chiefs managed to have six pro-bowlers represent their squad - four on defense, one on offense, and one on special teams. There were only eight NFL teams last season that had six or more pro-bowlers. The other seven - Houston (9), San Francisco (9), Denver (7), Minnesota (7), New England (7), Baltimore (6), and Seattle (6) all went to the playoffs. The Ravens, also with six pro-bowlers, won the Super Bowl as a wildcard. Yet the Chiefs went 2-14 and secured the top overall draft spot as the worst team in the NFL. One of these things is not like the other! Talent was clearly not the issue for the Chiefs. This was a dream job for the unemployed head coaches of the world.

A good boss doesn't walk into a new place of work and force their employees to be something they're not. That would be poorly managing the talent and skill of your work force. No, a good boss will create opportunities for their employees to utilize their strengths for the betterment of the company. Companies like Google don't micromanage labor to a degree that suffocates the workers; they create space for employees to hone their skills in producing something remarkable. And the results tend to speak for themselves. That is precisely what Andy Reid has done as the head coach of the 2013 Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs aren't winning this season by parading around the Greatest Show on Turf, like their 6-0 rival Peyton Manning-led Denver Broncos. They aren't scoring fifty points a game and out-gunning their opponents. They did that in the early 2000's under Dick Vermeil and never won a playoff game. That's not who these 2013 Chiefs are, and that's not who Andy Reid is trying to make them into.

One of the Chiefs' ten sacks on Terrelle Pryor

Four pro-bowlers on defense. Success for the Chiefs begins and ends with a stifling defense. Allowing less than eleven points a game, this defense is arguably the greatest in the NFL. There is seemingly no weakness. But all great defenses begin with dominating the line and putting pressure on the quarterback, and no defense does it better right now than the Kansas City Chiefs. While The Beast, Dontari Poe, clogs the running game at tackle and a talented secondary, led by pro-bowl safety Eric Berry and a physical tandem of corners in Brandon Flowers and Sean Smith, blankets opposing teams' receivers, Kansas City's ferocious pair of outside linebackers are free to do what they do best - bull-rush the quarterback. Pro-bowl LOLB Justin Houston currently leads the NFL with 9.5 sacks, while pro-bowl ROLB Tamba Hali is breathing down his neck with 7.5. The way that this front seven destroys an offensive line, causing havoc for the opposing quarterback, is nothing short of a thing of beauty. And they're getting better. Just last week the Chiefs sacked Raider's quarterback Terrelle Pryor an absurd ten times. If quarterback pressure and sacks were the main course the defense was serving, then they prepared a wonderful dessert of two interceptions and another in the fourth quarter that was returned for a touchdown. It was the perfect palate-cleanser. No team wants to face this defense at present; it is the bedrock of the Chiefs' success.

One pro-bowler on special teams. Dustin Colquitt is a punter, but don't allow the fact that he only comes onto the field for about five snaps throughout the course of a game prove cynical for you. A punter can be a weapon, and one that becomes exponentially more valuable to a team like the Chiefs, whose success relies upon making life cumbersome for opposing offenses. It can prove difficult even for an elite defense to mitigate the opponent's score when they have to start possessions on a shortened field. Of Dustin Colquitt's forty punts so far this season, he has pinned the opposing offense inside their own twenty yard line nineteen times. Even this calculus dropout can quickly figure based on that statistic that half of the time this guy kicks the ball off his golden foot, the other offense has to go a long ways to score. In addition to Colquitt, the Chiefs' special teams unit boasts one of the quicker, shiftier kick returners in the league in Dexter McCluster. His electrifying punt return at the end of the third quarter against the Giants was crucial in blowing the game wide open and allowing momentum to carry the Chiefs in the fourth quarter to a blowout win at home. McCluster reminds many Chiefs fans of The X-Factor, Dante Hall, and that is by no means depressing.

One pro-bowler on offense. The Chiefs were miserable offensively last season, and they're not much better at this juncture of the season. They are averaging a mere 207 passing yards a game, with only seven passing touchdowns on the year. Peyton Manning threw for seven touchdowns in the first game of the season! The strength of the offense lies in pro-bowl running back Jamaal Charles and a respectable rushing attack that averages 119 yards a game. Charles is arguably a top-three running back in the NFL. He is explosive in the open field, a surprisingly effective goal line running back (Charles has all five of the Chiefs' rushing touchdowns), and an adept receiver - second on the team with 300 receiving yards. This is an offense that can effectively run the ball and utilizes a prudent, low-risk passing attack that should prove more lethal once Alex Smith and Dwayne Bowe begin to play in sync.

The passing game is clearly not stellar. In fact, Alex Smith leads the twenty-sixth ranked passing offense in the league so far this season. It's true - Smith is not Peyton Manning. He can't put up Star Wars statistics like Manning or Brees can. He's not electric in the open field like Vick, Kaepernick, or RGIII. He doesn't have the temerity or the poise of Russell Wilson, and he doesn't look as good in a sweater after the game as Tom Brady does. He's just kind of blah, like vanilla ice cream on top of white cake. Even his name "Alex Smith" is about as generic as you can find. The guy's about as bland a quarterback as can be, but the Chiefs sought hard after him because he is exactly what they need.

Taking a walk down memory lane, Smith was president of his senior class in high school and graduated a semester early with a 4.4 GPA. With 64 matriculated credit hours, he was able to graduate as an economics major in two years at Utah and subsequently began work on a Master's degree before being drafted as the number one overall pick in the 2005 NFL draft. You know when an NCAA game is broadcast on television, and they cycle through the players while showing their degrees? How many do you remember pursuing a degree in economics (or anything other than communications or recreational science for that matter)? The economics classes have clearly sunk in; Alex plays like a quarterback who understands the concept of risk-reward all too well. His conservative play has prompted others to call him a game manager, which is a back-handed compliment to a quarterback who plays with caution. Smith does not have a propensity to throw down field, but he also tends not to turn the ball over. In 216 passing attempts, he has thrown just three interceptions. Drew Brees, widely considered a top-three quarterback, has five picks in just twenty one more attempts. Tony Romo also only has three interceptions, but he threw yet another costly pick against Denver on the last drive of the game, tacking on one more to the laundry list of crucial mistakes made by Romo at pivotal game moments. Romo has yet to buck his reputation as a choke artist.

What Alex Smith brings to the table is his intellect, and to Kansas City, it's an invaluable attribute. With a defense as good as Kansas City's, the focus offensively shouldn't be to field a superior caliber offense; instead, it should be to exercise prudence, play within the offense's capabilities, and limit turnovers. In other words, you're playing not to hurt yourself through mistakes. The Chiefs need a quarterback who understands this and can sacrifice blowing up the stat sheets in order to play smart and win games. The wits of Alex Smith are testified to on the football field by impeccable decision making. The Chiefs currently hold a +12 turnover margin over their foes. It's a glaring factor as to why they continue to win week after week. Going three-and-out and being forced to punt is not going to kill this football team. Turning the ball over will. You can make a strong argument that Alex Smith isn't helping the Chiefs, but you can make a damn good argument that he's not hurting them either. That's something that can't be said of Tony Romo in relation to his 3-3 Cowboys. Dallas can have the gunslinger and the 500 yard passing games. Kansas City will take the game manager and the undefeated record. They'll gladly take Alex Smith.

Now all this game managing and prudent play is not Andy Reid's particular cup of tea, and for that, I will give him all the credit in the world. In sacrificing his desired style of play for posterity's sake in order to capitalize on the skill set of this team, Reid has given the Chiefs their best chance of succeeding. When so many ego-driven head coaches would have turned over every rock to install their system, call their plays, and effectively make it their team, Andy Reid has humbly adopted the identity of this team and made them better by sharpening those facets that had potential to cut. They play phenomenal defense, they have great special teams contributors, and they operate a smart offense that doesn't turn the ball over. That's been an age-old football recipe for success, and the Chiefs are proving that it still can taste so good. I never thought I'd hear fans in Kansas City exclaiming happily this reminds me of Marty-ball! But at 6-0, this Chiefs team has put Kansas City on cloud nine. Many outsiders remain critical of the team's offensive deficiencies, seeing the undefeated record as something of a mirage. They say the Chiefs are a good team but shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentence as Denver, Seattle, San Francisco, and New England. Well I just did. Kansas City is ecstatic to have elite football again. Chiefs fans just set a record in the fourth quarter of the game against Oakland on Sunday, when Arrowhead Stadium's clamor reached 137.5 decibels. Though their play might not be the loudest in the league, the Chiefs are making a deafening noise, even if it can only be heard in Kansas City.

Now excuse me while I go grab some white cake a la mode...