-Kobe Bryant
The Pilgrims arrived in America in 1620. To be specific, they arrived in November...in Massachusetts. I like to imagine the moment when the 121 passengers on the Mayflower finally laid eyes upon the land they were about to settle...
121 passengers, in unified elation
WHOOOOO!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
snow begins to fall
.......................*one passenger, in a flinty solo* whooo ...................
They could have gone anywhere on the eastern seaboard, and they chose Massachusetts...in winter. I mean, I know Florida is a ways down there, but it tends to remain nice year-round. In any case, 50% of the passengers had died by the end of that first winter, either from disease, starvation, or freezing one's ass off. But they planted a settlement, and they raised bountiful harvests with the help of Squanto, and thus, American grit was born.
Here are some buzz words when reflecting upon romanticized American history: rugged, tough, cowboy, Alamo, frontier, bootstraps, Oregon Trail... I mean, simply by playing that game, we all understood what it truly meant to be a settler. You can sum it up with this axiom: ford the river. Why? Because eff that ess, that's why! Never mind the ramifications that this may mean we're careless or stupid. If prudence was what we were going for then we'd take the ferry every time. Well screw that. The river is ten feet deep? Aint too deep for this wagon. Let's ford this beeatch! I may lose both my oxen, half my supplies, my wife, one of my two kids, and develop a raging case of dysentery, but I got the stones to do it. That's what's important here. And everyone understood that. You'd look over at your buddy next to you, who was busy shooting his forty-ninth buffalo, and you'd motion to your own screen and say, dude, it's ten feet deep. As your mouse cursor slowly scrolled over to the "ford" button, your buddy pursed his lips and nodded in approval. In all actuality, this experience would go down much like my conjured image of the settlers laying eyes upon Plymouth Harbor...
your oxen begin to pull your wagon into the river
Whoooo! Woooohoooo!! WHOOOOO!!!
your wagon breaks apart, and you lose everything
...whoo.......
Sure, you might have sucked at the game, but you were awesome at being a bonafide American.
Over the course of our young history, this country has branded itself as "American tough", and it has been imbued in all that we do, even the sports we play.
Think of some of the most iconic moments in American sports history: with both legs injured in the previous series and battling a stomach virus, Kirk Gibson hits a walk-off homerun off legendary closer Dennis Eckersley in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. In Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals between Chicago and Utah, Michael Jordan scores 38, grabs 7 rebounds, and assists 5 while also battling a stomach bug ("The Flu Game"). Immediately following the conclusion of the game, Jordan would collapse into Scottie Pippen's arms from pure exhaustion. In the 2009 NFC Championship Game, Brett Favre, at age 40, after already having surpassed the NFL record for most consecutive starts at one position (291), could be seen repeatedly limping back out onto the field after having been battered by the New Orleans Saints defense. Favre would go on to eventually lose the game on an ill-advised throw that was picked off, but the image of the Old Warrior will forever be burned into our memories.
There is something magical about these mind-over-matter moments, when sheer will power, in an act of defiance over the body's limitations, projects one to do things they should not be capable of doing. Two mornings before Game 5, as Jordan lay in a fetal position, sweating profusely, with hardly the strength to sit up, he was told by team doctors that there was no way he would be able to play. Not only did he play, but he played like Jordan - like someone who is not of this world.
We love this stuff because, among other things, we see a little bit of Pilgrim in these moments - good old American grit. There's something noble about someone putting their body on the line for the greater good of the group. There's also something badass about it. The American value of toughness has permeated sports in an indelible way, and athletes don't necessarily need to play hurt in order to exhibit it. We love the brand of sports that is contact heavy and defiant in the face of danger. We love the baseball player who runs full speed at the catcher in order to jar the ball out of the mitt, a la Pete Rose (Charlie Hustle). We love the basketball player who ferociously throws their weight around the paint in order to get the rebound, a la Charles Barkley. We love the quarterback who's willing to dive head first into the endzone rather than slide two yards short of it, a la John Elway. We love the football players who play in Green Bay, in minus-twenty conditions without any extra layers on, as they flip the bird to Old Man Winter. We admire this style of play. It reeks of American ruggedness.
The culture, however, seems to be changing, to my chagrin. We seem to be getting softer with every generation. Even the official rules of our sports are being amended in order to cater to the finesse style ("finesse" being a euphemism used in order to make soft play sound cool). I'm with Kobe. It's a bit nauseating to see the direction we're headed. I blame soccer (I'll explain this later).
So this blog is dedicated to the uncovering of the truth - that we are a nation in a precarious spot concerning our sports culture. The identity of American grit as found in sports is in jeopardy, and we are well on our way to endorsing and embodying competition that some would call finesse and what others call nauseating. The following is the empirical proof:
Rules
The rules, as they say, are the rules. They represent the marrow of the sport. When a rule is made, it changes the way the sport is played, thereby changing a bit of the sport's personality. Many of the newest rules being adopted in our sports are done so with intention to preserve the health of the players. Whether this is done with altruistic (protect a player from harm) or capitalistic (prevent a star from being sidelined) motives, the fact remains that many of these new rules are paving the way for a lighter style of play.
Exhibit A: Baseball - Running into the Catcher
On May 25, 2011 Scott Cousins of the Florida Marlins rounded third base in the twelfth inning of the game in an attempt to provide his team with the go-ahead run. There was just one problem - Buster Posey. San Francisco's budding star catcher was in Cousins' way with the ball in his possession. Cousins proceeded to do what every runner in that situation has been taught to do since the inception of the game of baseball - accelerate to ramming speed and collide with the catcher, in hopes to jar the ball loose. If the catcher does not hold on to the ball, the run will score. Cousins was successful. He threw his entire body with reckless abandon into the future NL MVP, causing Posey to drop the ball. The play was terrible and beautiful all at once. Cousins' momentum caused Posey to tumble backwards awkwardly, cringing in the horrible pain that comes from a fractured fibula and torn ligaments in one's ankle. The play was legal and clean, according to the rules. Cousins scored the winning run in the Marlins' 7-6 victory. Posey was out for the remainder of the season.
Baseball has always been on the fringe of being considered a "contact sport". With the exception of plays at the plate, such as the case with Cousins and Posey, and the occasional being hit by a pitch and sliding into the second baseman to break up a double-play, baseball is devoid of bodily contact. One could play the entire course of a game and not feel any more contact than a pat on the butt by the first base coach or a high five from a teammate. Colliding into the catcher is nearly all baseball has to hang its hat on.
Yet following Posey's season-ending injury, Major League Baseball has seriously discussed initiative for mitigating, if not doing away entirely with collisions at the plate. This could come as early as this upcoming season. Regardless of when it will come, the ruling seems imminent, and baseball will lose one of the only aspects of the game keeping it a legitimate contact sport. Taps
Exhibit B: Basketball - Hands on the Defender
Beginning this season, referees in college basketball are to enforce more stringent prohibitions on defensive use of hands. The new rules call for refs to give out fouls when the defender carries out these actions to an offensive player with the ball:
- Keeps a hand or forearm on the opponent
- Putting two hands on an opponent
- Continually jabbing an opponent by extending an arm or placing a hand or forearm on the opponent
- Using an arm to impede the progress of a defender
Translation: no touching! These regulations have been put into effect in order to increase scoring and freedom of movement, but some coaches, such as Kansas head coach Bill Self, are not very optimistic about the effect the rule changes will have on the game. Self responded by saying, The best way to increase scoring and make the game better is to create situations to get more shots. More free throws doesn't make the game better. One thing is certain: the new rules will not only discourage stingy, physical defensive play, but they will also contribute to a higher number of players fouling out. Perhaps this will engender the exact result that college basketball wants. If players accrue fouls early and often, they will be forced to avoid making stout defensive plays later on in the game. Wide open lanes and no defense...sounds like compelling basketball to me.
Exhibit C: Football - Illegal Hits to Defenseless Players
In the course of the past three to five years, the NFL has tightened its grip upon defensive players concerning where and when they can make hits. Increasing fear of trauma to the head and the ramifications of concussions has led the NFL to ban helmet-to-helmet hits, or really anything above the shoulders. This has undoubtedly aided offenses, as such hits are penalized to the tune of 15 yards and a first down (and an eventual fine on the player who made the hit).
Rewind to November 17 of this past year. The San Francisco 49ers were visiting the impossibly-difficult-to-beat-at-home New Orleans Saints. With less than four minutes to go in the fourth quarter and the Saints down a field goal, Drew Brees had driven the Saints into the red zone putting San Francisco in dire straits. In a heroic display of athleticism, linebacker Ahmad Brooks rushed the quarterback, wrapped around the right side blocker, blind-siding Brees, who was looking left. Having cut too far downfield to square up on Brees, Brooks had to thrust his arm out in order to catch the short quarterback, and did so, right where the shoulder meets the neck. The ball came loose, and San Francisco recovered it. It was a laudable play from Brooks, who had given his offense the ball with the chance to run the clock out for the
win. But a yellow flag had been thrown. It turns out that referees had deemed the hit too close to Brees' head. The fact that Brees is relatively small, and the way he appeared to have been knocked like a rag doll, probably had something to do with how terrible the play appeared as well. "Roughing the quarterback" was called on Brooks, the 15-yard penalty was assessed, and New Orleans was given a first down. They would go on to convert two field goals and win the game 23-20. Jim Harbaugh, coach of the 49ers, was livid. He asserted that Brooks had made an incredibly adept football play - the only play that he could've made on Brees. Brees had a different perspective. After the game, he reflected, All I remember is just getting clothes-lined in the chin, and as I'm on the ground, I'm saying, "That's gotta be a flag". Following the game, ex-linebacker and now commentator Ray Lewis shared in Harbaugh's disappointment. Lewis insisted that with the flag being thrown on that play, the NFL is prohibiting Brooks from making the only possible play he can make on Brees. When commenting on Brees' remarks, Lewis said, I'm really disappointed in Drew Brees. To say that you got hit hard, knocked to the ground, and that's the reason you knew a flag had to have been called...is pathetic. This is football. Guys get hit. Drew Brees needs to toughen up. Lewis would go on to defend his fellow linebacker by offering to pay for half of his fine, following through on that promise.
Flopping
Dammit, soccer. You've ruined everything. You've taken beautiful, passionate, physical competition and turned it into a burlesque show. Soccer players have made famous the art of flopping, which is the noble strategy of upon receiving contact (or sometimes no contact), falling to the ground, wincing and/or grimacing, perhaps writhing and/or yelling...in hopes of convincing the referee that the other player did something to be penalized for. This is all that is wrong with the world wrapped up into one sports gesture. It is dishonest, craven, weak, embarrassing, diabolical, bathed in sin...seeing it makes me want to kick the person who is flopping between the legs, in the empty area where the balls should be found. And it happens all the time. I understand that soccer is a contact sport. They have headers, which are the equivalent of baseball's play-at-the-plate. But soccer could be so much better! Unlike baseball, where players are essentially designated to paths unhindered by human bodies, soccer is a lassaiz-faire kind of field, where physicality could run amok. Here's my own personal suggestion to soccer that will never happen: if soccer allowed for more physicality (refs don't blow the whistle nearly as much), and if the goals were made wider and higher, maybe a meter by a meter (I was going to say three feet by three feet, but then I remembered that Americans don't give a crap) there would be more scoring and more physical play. Soccer would be such a badass game. As is, it kind of sucks. I could maybe deal with the multitude of 1-0 games inherently found in soccer IF the flopping did not exist to the degree that it does. But it does exist, and it's just unwatchable. Every time that I see a grown man flail, fall to the ground, and proceed to writhe and cry, I throw up in my mouth a little bit. Not only do you have to endure this drivel for the entirety of the scene, but you have to see that same person get up a minute later and run around as if nothing was ever wrong. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Nothing was ever wrong. I wish that American soccer was noticeably different - a more physical style perhaps than its world counterpart. But it's not really. American soccer players take their cues from the best, and that means looking to people like Cristiano Ronaldo. Ergo, flop city. Soccer, I will watch you once every four years, because the World Cup is pretty cool, but that's all I can take before I become a serial killer.
I wish that flopping would have been contained within the sphere of soccer and shunned as a silly practice elsewhere, but it has spread to every sport. Behold the empirical evidence:
Exhibit A: Baseball - Derek Jeter and the Phantom Bean
It is September 16, 2010, and the Yankees are playing the Rays. With one out in the seventh inning, Rays' reliever Chad Qualls throws a pitch inside to Derek Jeter. Jeter retracts his body, but the ball appears to hit him in the elbow, as Jeter drops his bat and squirms a bit, holding his elbow and making hurt noises. The umpire tells Jeter to take first base, however Rays' manager Joe Maddon proceeds to run out of the dugout, calling bullshit. The ruling was sustained. Maddon would be ejected for arguing, and Jeter did indeed take first base. After footage clearly showed that the ball only hit Jeter's bat (which is by rule a foul ball, to be recorded as a strike, rather than a free base), Jeter admitted to having deceived the umpire through his acting. In the locker room, he said to reporters, He told me to go to first base. I'm not going to tell him I'm not going to first, you know? Yeah, we know, Derek. We also know that the Broadway act preceding the umpire telling you to go to first was entirely illegitimate and unnecessary. This sparked controversy in the world of baseball, prompting the question to fans - should this kind of play be part of the game? Umpire ruling does indeed constitute an inherent aspect of subjectivity to the game, and if they can be tricked, why wouldn't you try to pull it off for a competitive edge? Well this brings up the age-old debate of 'do the ends justify the means'? Many admire Jeter for his competitive play and willingness to do everything and anything to win. Many others consider his behavior disgraceful to the sport - that implicit in the game is the notion to play it honestly, with respect and integrity. You know where I stand on this. So I ask you, what's the difference between what Derek Jeter did and soccer flopping? If you came up with 'absolutely nothing' as an answer, then you've made an astute observation.
Exhibit B: Basketball - "Lebron-ing"
A new trend is sweeping our nation's schools. It's called "LeBron-ing". Remember the concept of "Tebow-ing", whereas you act out the iconic pose of Tim Tebow kneeling in prayer, in order to make fun of him? "LeBron-ing" is the same concept, only rather than kneeling in prayer, you jump away and throw up your hands after slightly grazing one of your peers (in hopes of getting the call!). Kids...you gotta love em! Out of the mouths of babes! Clearly meant to be funny, "LeBron-ing" recognizes the laughable amount that James embellishes contact between he and other players, in order that they be called for fouls and he be sent to the line for free throws. Of course LeBron isn't the only player doing this in the NBA. He's simply the face of the NBA, so if he does this sort of thing, it acts as precedent for everyone else, which is scary. Now let us remind ourselves that LeBron James is 6'8", 250 pounds of pure muscle. It would take a Sherman tank to cause him to stumble. Flopping is becoming incredibly prevalent in basketball - an epidemic of sorts. Perhaps this is more of what Kobe alluded to when he described the game as "finesse". Not only are refs calling fouls, but players are clamoring for them.
Exhibit C: Football - "Injuries" Used to Stop Clock
PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME THAT FLOPPING HAS ENTERED FOOTBALL, THE PARAGON OF SPORTS TOUGHNESS! ...Yes, I am sad to say that flopping is alive and well in football too.
September 19, 2011. The St. Louis Rams offense has driven the ball downfield on the New York Giants and find themselves inside the 10 yardline, employing the quick, no-huddle offense. The Giants' defensive unit, urgent to mobilize into its goal line formation, out of the blue witnesses two of its players drop to the turf with inexplicable injuries. Deon Grant and Jacquian Williams could not have been more obviously acting, but there was absolutely nothing the refs could do about it. Having seen "injured" players, they were forced to stop the game, allowing the Giants to take all the time they needed in getting their defense set. This might be what you would call cheating, however as there is no way to prove the farcical nature of these "injuries", referees are handcuffed in having to stop game play.
Less than two weeks ago, 49er linebacker Ahmad Brooks (yes, again) jumped offsides up and over Carolina's offensive line, clearing everyone. Carolina's quarterback Cam Newton, however, fell over as if he had just received a light haduken from Ryu. I'm not sure if Newton was trying to get a personal foul tacked on to Brooks' offsides or not, but the acting attempt was nothing short of pathetic.
Come on, football. You're better than that.
Final Thought
Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure plenty of these new rule changes are for the best. After all, I'm all for the protection of defenseless players. I can't help, however, but stop and ponder how some of these changes are affecting the lifeblood of the games. We may have gained player protection and higher scoring, finesse-style games, but have we stopped to ask ourselves what we've lost? Professional athletes may be considering more mindfully how to bend the rules, wielding great (sometimes terrible) acting along with the repertoire of skills they display on the field, giving new meaning to a "great performance". Our teams may be given a desirable call as a result of one of our players flopping, but at what cost has it been acquired in possibly tarnishing the integrity of the game?
I'll close by addressing this final point. Some children's soccer leagues are no longer keeping score, in hopes of preserving the fragile psyches of America's youth, by saving them from the trauma of losing (Dammit soccer!). Because that's a valuable lesson in life...there are no hardships and everyone winds up even-Steven. I guess that's one way to fix flopping. You won't even have a reason to do it if you can't win.
If only the Plymouth Pilgrims could see us now, what would they say? What wisdom would they impart unto us? They'd probably just shake their heads, muttering, Bitches. Then they'd go ford some rivers.
